Tag: self-care

Vlog| Travel & Fibromyalgia in Italy: What I Learned Moving to Rome.

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Travel and fibromyalgia–from everything I heard and knew before I moved to Italy, travelling was something that I probably wouldn’t be doing a lot of because of the potential negative impact it could have on my body.

Still, I decided to do it. 😉

In these videos, I talk about my decision to move to Italy, how I prepared and what I have experienced while living in Rome and dealing with my fibromyalgia symptoms.

Thank you for watching! If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me! 🙂

Until Tomorrow?

D.

Part 1: Why I did it | How I did it.

Part 2: What I Learned | What I suggest.

FMS | FibroArt Project Continues (got fibro? get life.)

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gotfibro

 

A work in progress. I am happy with it so far. 🙂

FMS & CW | Things We Don’t Talk About: Isolation

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Image found on eltonchizy.wordpress.com: The Cry of the Outcast (Poetry). Click to visit.

FMS & Creative Writing on Isolation

Don’t talk about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t begin to believe it…even if you experience it every single day.  What it means to be ill…until you die.  What it means to rethink to think to rethink to think who you are and can be.  Don’t talk about it.  Don’t think about it. Don’t begin to believe it…even if you experience it every single day.

I cannot speak about anyone else but myself.  I am sure that others may understand. When you are looked at you as though you serve no purpose. You have no worth. You cannot do what you used to do. You hide yourself from yourself and everyone else.  Your accomplishments amount to nil if you cannot continue to add to them.

You do not belong to belong. No one seems to hold your name in their mouths. You belong to a category of that which should be disbelieved…even if they don’t say it. You breathe it in from their absent words.  You breathe it into your self-understanding, although you don’t want to believe. You don’t want to believe your reality. Anyway, your reality is chronically wrong.

Your reality is painted by breathstrokes of waking and waiting to understand your worth.

Your worth is trapped and defined by a bed, by a line of medications toppling off shelves, by the phone that no longer rings, by the work that feels overwhelming, by stairs that seem too hard to climb…

Yet still, there is always tomorrow.  You have to believe in tomorrow because today offers little salvation.

 

FMS | Welcoming 2015 in Bed…Gotta Love Flu Season!

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Nope, nope, nope. I won’t be out there living it up like it’s 1999 (although that was over a decade ago). Nope, nope.  I’ll be in bed, trying to get over the flu, and allowing my imagination to entertain me if I cannot sleep.

It’s not a really bad way to spend New Year’s Eve. Actually, it’s not so different from what I’ve always done, except that I usually feel better.  Still, it’s not so terrible.

I’ll watch fireworks from my window, listen to firecrackers popping on some random street, wonder if that guy I saw hanging out on his rooftop last year will be back again, and be grateful for everything that has led me to this moment.

Many Thanks to My Family, Friends, & Followers.

You help me to keep everything in perspective, and remind me that:

What is past is past.  What is future has yet to be decided.

What is present is within my control.

Please, be safe on this holiday! See you in the New Year.

FMS | Consistently Embrace the Inconsistency of FMS (The 5 Gs)

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Image from fellow blogger Shauntee’s article “Dating Pet Peeves: The Invisible Third Person.” Click image to read.

 

I shouldn’t be writing this post.

No, seriously, I really ought to be writing something else, something relevant to advancing my studies or career or something else that I know is more important.

Even more seriously, typing this actually hurts. My hands, arms, chest, back, stomach, sides, thighs, knees, calves and ankles hurt. You name it, it hurts.  There are parts of me that are hurting that I didn’t know could hurt.  Then I remember:

This is the nature of fibromyalgia. 

 I am used to the pain. Thus, I cannot truly complain about it. This post is not about that.  It is about how to deal with the randomness of the pain or any other FMS symptoms, of being the unsuspecting victim of your own body.

So, What Do I Do?

Image from WOLB Baltimore’s article “Can Listening to Music Improve Your Health?” Click image to read article.

THE 5 Gs

GIVE (IN)| GET (ORGANIZED) | GRATITUDE  | GROW | GATHER

1. Give in / Give up –  Not on getting better, but on denying your experience.  What it basically means is accepting the reality of the situation. For a long while, I was really hard on myself whenever I had a significant flare-up.  I was constantly seeking to figure out when I would feel better, as though there were a timer ticking away and counting down to zero.  Give it up, that’s not the way it goes.

2. Get Organized –  Take a look at your obligations and figure out what can be put on the back-burner, what can be modified, and what needs to be immediately addressed.  The next step is to notify anyone who may be directly impacted by your current state.  Don’t leave others in the lurch just because you are ill.  Be clear with everyone about what you can do and when you can do it, if at all.  

3. Go for Gratitude –   The world didn’t collapse because you are having a flare-up. It’s not that serious.  Be grateful for what you can do, what you have already accomplished, and what you will be able to do.  Wallowing in self-pity will get you nowhere very, very quickly.  So, try not to be about that life.

4. Get Ready to Grow – Every moment, regardless of the value we assign to it, is an opportunity for personal growth.  Use this time to explore yourself. If you are able to do something, read something new.  If you aren’t able to do anything at all, listen to music or close your eyes and allow your imagination to take you on new adventures.  Do your best to remember that you are more than this moment. 

5. Gather Positivity – Whether alone or with loved ones, choose activities that reinforce the positives of your life, rather than focus on the negative.  I find it best to avoid discussing my current state.

Sometimes you may encounter people, I call fixers, who are very invested in solving your illness, and who will bombard you with seemingly never-ending questions–politely refuse to answer or simply avoid them.

Some people have limited patience for your illness, and these are people who you most definitely should do your best to avoid.

Negativity will only serve to bring you down, causing you to feel stressed and may severely impact your recovery time.  Gather around you people who bring with them a bit of sunshine, especially in the winter months. 

 

No Matter What, Keep It Positive While You Find Your Way Back On Your Path.

Until Next Time,

D

Speed-Dating: OkCupid-Style

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Image found: http://www.uvureview.com

Speed-Dating: OkCupid-Style

Click. Click. Rome. Click. London. Click. Somerville. Click. Open in a New Window. Click. New York. Click. Click. Click. Milan. Click. Perth. Click. San Francisco. Click. Open in a New Window. Click. Click. Click. Click.

The faces blur into one word: No. They blur into an action: Click.

They blur into forgotten memory like many paintings seen only once. I try to assign human names to HotRod4U or CumCMe or BigTits2Day or DownNDirty or MuyCaliente or some similar thing in Italian.

I try to use my long dual-language profile to screen out unnecessary messages and sexmails, and even end it on a quasi-diatribe on exoticism.  It’s been working. Sort of.

Click. Block. Hey. Block. Wassup? Block. Got Chocolate? Block. U Busy L8r? Block. Le donne nere… Block.

I’m blocking out the words that counter my usually empathetic mind as I scroll and click pass over a thousand men with their barely-covered genitalia on display.  It’s not working.

I read Mark Manson and try to understand the male psyche. I decide it must suck balls to be male, even if they supposedly have everything.  There’s not much they can do to express themselves.  Men are should-burdened into thinking themselves to be robots, or worst still, sex machines.

Or worst still, pathetic.

It’s shocking what the internet unmasks about society: apparently, a bunch of sex-crazed, racist, narcissistic…wait, I just got a message.  It’s amazing how excited you can become when someone treats you like a human being.

Click. Profile. Click. The Two of Us. Click. Unacceptable Answers. Scroll.

  • “I strongly prefer to date people within my race.”
  • Glance up at the European-ancestors-face. Scroll.
  • “Women are obligated to shave their legs.” Scroll.
  • “I don’t mind racist jokes.” Scroll.
  • “I don’t like tattoos on women.” Click. Block.

I’m not shocked. It’s just another day in online dating, about which I have come to understand a couple of things.

  • Some men, particularly in Italy,
  • like to wear Speedos.
  • and take pictures spread-eagled.
  • Some women, particularly in the US,
  • like to wear lingerie,
  • and take pictures of their breasts.
  • ………………………………………
  • Some people don’t have faces.
  • Some people use other people’s faces.
  • Some people don’t live where they say.
  • Some people are sad to say where they live.
  • Some people are just people who are too busy.
  • Some people are people who just want to get busy.

 

Until Next Time,

D.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FMS | MyClaimSource: Know Your Rights in Filing Insurance Claims

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Image by Randy Glasbergen: http://www.glasbergen.com/

We’ve all been there, in one form or another: waiting for hours on end, listening to crappy elevator music or even being transported back to the 80s when Billy Ocean was a recognizable name, checking and rechecking the policy number on the front of our health insurance cards, and jumping with hope every time there’s that brief moment of silence, thinking that…the wait is over. It never seems to be.

It’s enough just being a person who knows the names of all the people in your local hospital, staff and patients…because you’re there on an almost daily basis, since your doctor can’t figure out your illness. It’s enough being poked, prodded, and loaded up with so many different medications every few weeks…because your doctor or your specialist our your psychiatrist doesn’t think whatever else you’re doing is working and you have to be fixed.

It’s really all enough. Then you find yourself, phone in hand, trying to explain your recent health escapade and why it isn’t your fault that you’re sick, and trying to help the person on the other end do their job and not make your life a living hell by telling you things like…you had a pre-existing condition that doesn’t qualify for medical reimbursement.

Image by Mark Anderson: Found on http://seriousstartups.com/

I’ve spent a lot of time dealing with the claim process, both in the US and in Italy. Heck, I’ve even delegated the task to my poor ex-wife (Hey, April!), because the whole thing just stressed me out…which only made me more and more sick. This is why I was so glad to have heard about MyClaimSource.com, a website devoted to helping any and everyone who has to go through the experience of filing a claim–Thanks, Hannah!

The site offers not just information but advice on how to navigate the sometimes treacherous waters of health insurance companies. Even if you don’t have to deal with filing a claim now, still check it out.

You never know when you might need the knowledge they have to provide.

Image found: http://www.thanetgazette.co.uk/

Below is an excerpt from the site’s main page:

“We founded Myclaimsource.com after several frustrating experiences filing insurance claims. When we needed help and advice on how to file a claim, the information just wasn’t there. Even when the insurance agents were well-intentioned and well-trained, they still didn’t seem to have the practical, “ground level” experience we needed to answer our questions. “Am I eligible to file a claim?” “Is this covered by my policy?” “How do I get start with my claim?” “How long should I expect to wait for an answer?” On this site, we have researched every provider policy we could find to try and answer these key questions for you. We’re also aiming to provide an open forum to connect those looking to file claims with people who already have, and who may be able to offer tips and advice on claim filing with a given provider. We hope that you find this site helpful, and that it can save you time and frustration as you go about the already no-fun task of filing your insurance claim.”

Remember, there is always a new path to be found…you just have to choose to follow it.

Until Next Time,

D.

FMS | PainMaps.com: A New Nerve Pain Resource Site

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Image from PainMaps: http://www.painmaps.com/

If you are like me, then living in a world of pain is just part of the package of your existence.  Pain is pain, no matter how it manifests or what it is labeled: Fibromyalgia (FMS), Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFIDS), Multiple Sclerosis (MS), Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), Osteoarthritis, Neuropathic Pain, and Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) as well as many others on the ever-growing list of syndromes and disorders.

I know first-hand that living with an invisible illness, which chronic pain of is, can mean being disregarded, misunderstood, or even blatantly being called a liar or crazy or whatever else makes someone else feel better for not being able or knowing how to help. This is one of the reasons why I shifted my blog’s focus to discussing living with FMS, because I understood that there were others going through similar experiences.

We, who are living with pain, need more community as well as resource outlets. This is why I was so glad when I received a message from Jessica Mendes, the founder of PainMaps.com, a resource site dedicated to providing resources for those who experience and those who want to understand chronic pain.

Mendes, who is a ghostwriter and intuitive translator, has been living with CRPS for many years, and began PainMaps as a way of providing outreach with an alternative touch; it’s about allowing ourselves to rethink how see, understand, approach, and care for pain, particularly (but not exclusively) in regards to CRPS, which is also known as Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD).  It is a collaborative site that invites contributions for all those who would care to share their experiences and knowledge.

Harkening back to my Boston days, I’d have to say that I am wicked excited about this site, and hope you will be as well.

 Let’s build more community by venturing new paths! Visit PainMaps.com!

Until Next Time,

D.

Relationships | OkCupid, Exoticism & Creepy Italian Men

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Image Found: http://uproxx.wordpress.com

I am amazed.

Luckily the above screenshot isn’t from my inbox, but the messages aren’t that much off.  It’s been about a week since I decided to make myself visible to “straight people” on OkCupid.  Almost 300 profile  likes and even hundreds more messages later, I am beginning to wonder how “straight women” survive the barrage of messages I am sure they must get.

Now, let’s be real here for a moment; 300 profile likes in a week is not a significant amount.  However, according to OkCupid, as a 30-something queer Black woman, I probably shouldn’t even be getting any attention from anyone: Black, White, Asian, Indian, Native America, Pacific Islander, Middle Eastern and Human, whether gay, bi or straight.

Image found: http://madamenoire.com

So, getting that much traffic and positive responses to my profile left me…a bit baffled.

Why? Well, apparently, the general idea that some people have, whether it be OkCupid or Satoshi Kanazawa, is that Black women (and Asian men) are…wholly unattractive….to everybody.   Not only are we supposedly unattractive, or perhaps because of it, we are also unmarriageable.

Never mind the possible reasons why so many people have been dedicating their time and energy to putting us in our place…or reminding us of where they think we should be.

Never mind the fact that OkCupid overtly suggests to its Black users (particularly female) that they should add some “whiteness” to their profile to make it more appealing, because “[a]dding ‘whiteness’ always helps your rating! In fact it goes a long way towards undoing any bias against you.”

I imagine that OkCupid thinks this some sort of positive strategy. Let’s now all jump for joy! Woo hoo! It’s great faking to be White! Yay!…Not.

This brings me back to my OkCupid experience.

Image found: http://mommynoire.com

I make it pretty clear on my profile that I’m not really looking for a romantic relationship, just new friends and perhaps an online pen-pal or two from some culture in which I take interest (eg. Japanese and German).

I also make it pretty clear that I have zero interest in being exoticized and ask kindly to be bypassed if it is the case that the person is looking for their next “Black” conquest or “African” goddess or are obsessed by the “darkness” of my skin.

Of course, all of my warnings mean very little to the significant number of mostly Italian men who enjoy creeping on my profile, sending me messages in both Italian and broken English that add up to be the same thing:  how soon can they put their penis in my vagina.

The point is this: online dating, regardless of who (race/ethnicity/sexual orientation/etc.) you are as a woman, is no walk in the park.  

Of course, there are great people out there, who will contact you in a respectful manner.  However, there is a pretty hefty number out there who simply want to know just how good your “big lips” feel on their nether regions. 😉

Until Next Time,

D.

Remember to follow your path by trusting your instincts.