Flash Fiction: After the Convenience Store

 

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Sometimes you run without knowing why.

At least, that’s what I said while being interrogated. Hours must have passed already since I ran from the convenience store, smoked that final I-plan-to-quit cigarette, threw my bloodstained t-shirt in a random dumpster, and counted the cash that was now being called “evidence.”  The thing is, I’d stopped running a few times in between there and here.

-db

Word count: 64

FIBROMYALGIA & BEING A SOCIAL PARIAH: REINVENTING YOURSELF AFTER LOSING EVERYTHING (PART 2)

typing on the computerWhat if you never had fibromyalgia? How would you have lived your life up until this moment? What dreams would you have already fulfilled? Better still, who would you have created yourself to be?

Here’s the deal, regardless of whatever your chronic illness is, there are likely many questions like the ones above that you have asked or are actively asking yourself right this very minute.  It’s human nature to wonder about the possibilities, especially when it comes to your own life (and if you aren’t wondering, please, ask yourself why).  Maintaining our curiosity, that element of wonder, about ourselves and our the world around is key to making any significant change in the way we live.  When we shut ourselves down and shut out the world, we are essentially denying ourselves access to the power that subjective and objective knowledge can bring to furthering our self-understanding.  And increasing self-understanding means increasing our ability to achieve self-mastery.

When we think of self-mastery, we may think of complete control of the self, i.e. control of thought which leads to control of actions, which means better ability to respond (not react) effectively to the world around us.  Simply put, self-mastery, self-understanding, and self-awareness go hand in hand, best summarized by this quote:

Watch your thoughts, they become words;
watch your words, they become actions;
watch your actions, they become habits;
watch your habits, they become character;
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

14533091400317-e1453308786450If you have fibromyalgia, then you know that one of the first thing you lose is control.  You lose control over your body and your mind.

The physical activities that you used to do with ease now prove difficult. The memory that you once prided yourself on now has sticky notes all over it marked fibro fog.  That’s just the way it is. There’s no shame in it. Having fibromyalgia means 1) losing control over the physical vehicle that transports who you are (body), and 2) losing control over the mental vehicle that relays your who you are to the world around you and to yourself (mind).  Of course, the severity of the loss depends of the severity of your fibromyalgia…and your engagement in self-care.

You’re Not Broken, Just Different

Anyone who knows me well knows that I do not believe in regret. Truly, I don’t. I believe in lessons learned.  I think regretting your life, in any shape or form, does not help you to move forward from wherever you are, especially when you have a chronic illness. The fact is the past is in the past. Yesterday is already the past. And today will be the past quite soon. So, here are the only questions that you need to ask yourself today:

What step(s) will I take to move my life forward today?

What step(s) have I taken to move my life forward today?

They are really simple questions with big implications. They imply choice.

You did not have a choice in having fibromyalgia. You do have a choice in whether or not you will allow it to control your life. Although you may feel broken, unwanted, used up, without purpose, or simply helpless, you are not.

You are not broken. You are different. 

The person you knew yourself to be is in the past, along with yesterday and all the days before that.  The high points and the low points of that person is gone. Keep her or him in your memory with fondness, but do not dwell.  Like how you may think fondly upon your teenage self or child self, think so upon who you were. But get excited about who you are and who you are crafting yourself to be.

Remember how when you were a teenager or a child, you couldn’t wait to see what type of adult you would be? Perhaps you became that adult, perhaps not. Either way, it’s time now to tap into the curiosity, to apply today that wonder that you had about the unknown you. It’s time to tell yourself that there is nothing to fear in being someone you don’t know or cannot yet imagine.

This is the first step in reinventing yourself: getting to know the new you. 

How do you do this? Ask yourself the first question I proposed above (What step(s) will I take to move my life forward today?), then take the quote above as inspiration: watch your thoughts. Listen for an answer. What does your new self want to do? Be curious about that self. Work to understand that self.  Be kind to that self.

Look out for Part 3: The Naysayers & Other Emotional Vampires

Read Part 1:  Reinventing Yourself After Losing Everything

30 May |Women Writers & The Art of the Short Story: A Tribute to Lucia Berlin — JCU // Creative Writing Workshop

Join us on Monday, May 30th (Memorial Day), in celebrating the life and work of author Lucia Berlin (1936-2004). This event will feature JCU professor Elizabeth Geoghegan, Italian screen and fiction writers Chiara Barzini and Francesca Marciano. Event will be held from 6:30 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. in Room G.G.1 in JCU’s Guarini Gampus. Click here […]

via 30 May |Women Writers & The Art of the Short Story: A Tribute to Lucia Berlin — JCU // Creative Writing Workshop

2 Laptops, a Button-less Phone & That Thing About Traveling

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Image found on Rebloggy.com

I don’t know where in the world you are, but where I am

it’s Monday,

14:07,

somewhere around

90 degrees (Fahrenheit),

and boring as all heck.

I’m trying to console myself because my Words with Friends-designated laptop is in the remote hands of some person very far away in some office belonging to Microsoft, who is trying to fix my operating system.

It’s no good, this.

I’ve not had much else but peanut butter and ginger ale today, and I keep thinking I should eat something, but my laptop being remotely controlled is keeping me fixed to one spot.

Life ought not to be this boring:

watching a “Downloading installation file: Feel free to keep using your PC.”

Twirl-twirl-circularly moving dotted thingy…

I’m at 15% complete with an

Estimated time: 2 hr 27 min 12 sec

2 hr 25 min  7 sec

away from being able to move from this spot.

Every now and again, I pretend to be “with it” (do people still use with it?) and “slide” the “buttons” the phone my mom made me get because she was embarrassed by my Verizon flip-phone from 2013. Now, I’m Boost Mobilin’ and tweetin’ (not really).

19% complete and

I’m wondering if using my other laptop means that I’m having an affair.

At 24%, I feel almost a quarter way decent about my position in life,

sitting on a bed,

sweat collecting to drip,

my wanderlust has taken control of my mind and prompting my feet to move.

How far do I want to go in

2 hr 11 min 30 sec?

Maybe Newark International Airport,

but then I wouldn’t come back here for a while.

That’s the thing about being nomadic, you see.

Opening the front door means that there’s another

awaiting you somewhere.

But at 30%,

I’m not even a third way complete.

How fast, I wonder.

How much faster must I travel within

to have the freedom to live without

the burden of time and place.

1 hr 56 min 17 sec.

-db

 

How Does a Poet Write short #fiction? — Daily (w)rite — JCU // Creative Writing Workshop

Best Small Fictions Guest edited by Robert Olen ButlerAs part of my ongoing guest post series in this blog, we heard from Jude Higgins last week. Today, it is my pleasure to welcome the wonderful Dee Cohen, a poet, photographer and prose author who speaks about writing, and her piece in the The Best Small… via […]

via How Does a Poet Write short #fiction? — Daily (w)rite — JCU // Creative Writing Workshop

RonovanWrites #Weekly #Haiku #Poetry Prompt #Challenge #90 Friend&Shiver — ronovanwrites — JCU // Creative Writing Workshop

Haiku Poetry Prompt Writing Challenge Useful Links. Click HERE for LINKS to last weeks Entries for Shower&Play. Thesaurus: Friend, Shiver. HowManySyllables.com Thesaurus.com Haiku in English How to do a Ping Back The Challenge Words! *Friend&Shiver (REMINDER: Check that your ping backs are working!) Not sure how to write a Haiku? Click HERE for a quick […] […]

via RonovanWrites #Weekly #Haiku #Poetry Prompt #Challenge #90 Friend&Shiver — ronovanwrites — JCU // Creative Writing Workshop

When the last leaf falls

and the sky and earth embrace,

who will remember? 

-db

 

 

Fiction | Broken Heel

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Image from About.com

Leila twisted her right ankle again.  Her right arm still hurt, too.  Plus, she was out of breath. On the ground lay the right heel of the knock-off Jimmy Choo’s she had only bought the day before. I need it, she thought.  She had already lost one customer for the day, and going home was not an option.

-db

Word count: 58