No excuses…Senza scuse…

67284_1638974222866_1492085798_31684598_1767133_nDear Readers:

I apologize for having taken such an extended time away from my blog.  Although this not an unusual act for me, it was far longer than I had imagined it would be.  I am in the midst of trying to understand how to repurpose my blog (and other social media outlets) as who I am has undergone a significant shift.

Carissimi Lettori:

mi dispiace che andavo via dal mio blog per tantissimo tempo. Nonostante non sia un’azione strana per me, questo tempo era più lungo che immaginavo sarebbe stato. Adesso sto provando a capire come migliore di usare il mio blog (e le altre reti sociali), perché chi io sono è mutata significativamente.

When I began this blog, I had no inkling of what I wanted it to be, outside of the idea that others thought it would be a useful forum through which I could share my experiences, especially living abroad.  In general, I have aimed at writing about topics that would be useful for personal introspection, especially for women and those who have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia or other chronic Illnesses.  Stepping forward, I intend to continue addressing such topics.  The shift may come in the format of doing more literature reviews and adding more humour, because I have really learned how to smile in the last month (the picture above is old…so never mind that ;))

Quando cominciavo questo blog, non avevo il sentore della cosa che volevo il blog di essere, eccetto l’idea che le altre persone me avevano detto che un blog era un forum utile in cui potevo condividere le mie esperienze, soprattutto vivere all’estero. In generale, nel passato ho provato a scrivere sui temi che pensavo che erano utili per le donne e le persone che hanno la fibromyalgia o le malatie croniche. Nel futuro ho intenzione di continuare a dedicarmi a questi temi. Forse i cambi vengono nella forma di scrivere più spesso gli articoli sulla letteratura e usare dell’umorismo più spesso, perché ho imparato veramente durante il mese scorso come sorridere (va be’, la foto sopra è vecchia, così non importa ;))

imagesCAUNGZWA.jpg.  Unknown source.

imagesCAUNGZWA.jpg. Unknown source.

A small update about my life:

I returned to the U.S. after two plus years of being away.  I had the opportunity to spend time with my family, which was much needed.  My current partner acted as my travelling companion, and generally kept me out of trouble…as much as any person can manage to do that.  I am now divorced–there really isn’t a less direct way of stating that.  More importantly, my friendship with my former partner, April, continues to mean the world to me.  And I am glad that we had the chance to spend time with her and her partner.

Un aggiornamento piccolo sulla mia vita:

sono ritornata in gli stati uniti dopo più di due anni. Avevo l’opportunità di passare il tempo con la mia famiglia che avevo bisogno di fare. Il mio compagno era con me e provava a fermarmi da causare i problemi per me stessa e, ovviamente, per le altre persone (ancora non lo so io se sia possibile in realtà, ma lui provava a farlo). Sono divorziata adesso–veramente, esiste un modo più discreto di dire questa cosa? Penso di no. Più importante è la mia amicizia con la mia ex compagna, April. L’amicizia continua a essere uno delle cose dell’importanza migliore nella mia vita. E sono felice che abbiamo avuto l’opportunità di passare il tempo insieme, cioè con lei e la sua compagna.

Unknown Source.

Unknown Source.

I continue to work on the revision of my novel.  The progress has slowed somewhat with the start of school and, prior to that, my own struggles with apathy and anxiety (this is where managing perfection is key).  I have, however, begun a new story that is really exciting my creativity and also helping my revision process.

Continuo a rivedere la bozza del mio romanzo. Il processo sta andando lentamente, soprattutto perché ho cominciato di nuovo a andare all’università e, prima, mi stavo davvero sforzando di fermarmi sentirmi apatica e ansiosa.  Comunque ho cominciato a scrivere un racconto nuovo che mi sta causando a sentire di nuovo il mio senso della creatività e mi sta aiutando nel processo della revisione.

I have ultimately decided that returning to the U.S. after graduation is the next step to take.  This chapter of my Roman story is coming to a close…though I have a strange but happy feeling that my journey with Rome is far from over.

Dopotutto ho deciso che il mio passo prossimo è ritornare negli stati uniti dopo la mia cerimonia di laurea. Questo capitolo del mio racconto romano sta cominciando a chiudere…nonostante abbia il sentimento distinto che la mia avventura con la Città Eterna continuerà ad essere un viaggio imprevedibile e lungo.

Unknown Source.

Unknown Source.

What’s next? Well, a post or two about my relationship with yarn…or rather, knitting.  Or better still, why I admire author and knitter Stephanie Pearl-McPhee and how her words have been inspired me.

Per il futuro?  Allora, un post (forse due) sulla mia relazione con il filato…ovvero il lavoro a maglia. Oppure molto meglio di dire il perchè mi ammiro l’autrice Stephanie Pearl-McPhee e come le sue parole mi hanno inspirato.

Until Next Time,

Alla prossima volta


The Next Step…

True life.

True life. (Photo credit: axiomphotog)

Some time ago, I wrote a post regarding a professor who asked me to do creative writing about my experience of having fibromyalgia (FMS).   It is true that I have written poetry that deals with the subject, and even began a somewhat semi-autobiographical novel some years ago.   Still, I remain uncertain of retaking such paths.  Instead I am now considering what it would be like to write about my process of change, i.e. change towards improving my life.

The reality of living with FMS can be one that is punctuated by a series of losses:  continuous loss of health, loss of self-perception, loss of self-esteem, loss of employment, loss of status, loss of friends, loss of family, loss of supports, etc.  The list could go on ad infinitum.

On a weekly basis, I take time to research the latest developments in the treatment of fibromyalgia.  Typically, the titles are filled with words such as “fight,” “battle,” or “war.”  Of course, I understand the desire to motivate those who are living with FMS by using such words.  Who amongst those of us with FMS, hasn’t felt as though fibromyalgia were waging war against our bodies, our minds, or even our very souls?

27/365: fractured reality/grace under pain

27/365: fractured reality/grace under pain (Photo credit: Samie Harding)

Still, why fight against?  Why scream a battle cry?  Why wage war?  For what purpose?  Our bodies are the spaces in which we exist daily.  Why should we be in conflict with it?

Mother Teresa said, “I will never attend an anti-war rally; if you have a peace rally, invite me.”  I am in agreement.

I choose never to be anti-fibromyalgia.  I choose, instead, to be at peace with fibromyalgia.  It is a part of who I am.  It is living within my body.  Thus, embracing, rather than rejecting it, is the obvious choice for me.  It is a matter of shifting one’s mindset.

So, what is this next step?  Beyond having shifted my mindset, I have decided to take the step that I have been utterly avoiding for a multitude of reasons.  I have decided to become vegan and live gluten-free (I am already vegetarian).  As some may know, animal bi-products as well as yeast and gluten can provoke digestive problems, especially for people with IBS, which many people with FMS experience.

End of Summer Still Life

End of Summer Still Life (Photo credit: mystuart)

Moreover, I am letting go of other foods that can create disharmony within me, such as nightshade fruits and vegetables that aggravate pain:  tomatoes, potatoes (not sweet potatoes), eggplant, and sweet and spicy peppers–yes, I know I am living in Italy. 🙂

Will this be challenging?  Perhaps.  Is it the right time?  Absolutely.

At the start of this post, I wrote that fibromyalgia can be about loss.  Well, that was my mindset about taking this next step.  I was focused on losing.

In my mind, all that I could see was that I would be losing, once again, more foods that I love (in this case:  milk, bread, and the above-mentioned fruits and vegetables).  Furthermore, the thought of having to “lose” certain foods felt too much like “dieting,” of which I am not a fan, i.e. unless absolutely necessary for medical reasons.

I could not see the gain.  I could not see the invitation for living a peaceful life with my body, and thus with fibromyalgia.

Yes, it is true that FMS can push one to leave behind old and unhealthy patterns, even places and people.  Yet still, it causes us to arrive at a new understanding of ourselves, learning and using new and healthier patterns, experiencing new internal and external places, and meet new people who can support us as we make our journey.

vegan food pyramid adapted from recommendation...

vegan food pyramid adapted from recommendations made in “A new food guide for North American vegetarians” (2003) from the American Dietetic Association (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am excited to have taken this next step, and am doing so with the help of The Vegan Society that offers a mentor for 30 days (The Vegan Pledge).  The next thirty days begin my journey towards a new way of eating and living.  Over those days, I will update as I can, including places in Rome and in the U.S. that are vegan and gluten-free friendly.

Cheer me on, as well as yourself and others, on taking another step towards living peaceably with FMS!

And remember what Mahatma Gandhi said,

“A  man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.”

Thus, think positively about living with FMS.  There is much to be gained!

Until Next Time,


P. S. I will be adding an Italian version of this post as well.

Gli Occhi Aperti / The Open Eyes…

Cut Eye

Cut Eye (Photo credit: lindes)

Ho deciso di scrivere oggi in italiano (ma anche con una traduzione in inglese per i miei lettori che leggono solo in inglese).  Come mi sento in questo momento? Non sono sicura.  Sono stanchissima da morire, perché tante cose hanno successo questa settimana ed anche ho lavorato molto, almeno secondo me.  Continuo a scrivere il mio romanzo e oggi ho scritto una poesia nuova in italiano.  Vorrei condividerla con la speranza che voi mi diate le vostre opinioni. Come ho già scritto, ho scritto una traduzione in inglese, comunque l’orginale è stato scritto in italiano. Quindi la traduzione attuale è molta semplice. In alcuni giorni scriverò un’altra versione inglese. Ringrazio Matteo per la sua assitenza con la grammatica.


Today, I decided to write in Italian (but always with a translation in English for my readers who only read in English).  How am I feeling in this moment? I am not certain.  I am ridiculously tired, because many things have happened this week and also I work a lot, at least, in my opinion.  I continue to write my novel and today I have written a new poem in Italian.  I would liked to share it, with the hope that you will give your opinions.  As I have already written, I have written a translation in English.  However, the orginal is in Italian.  Therefore, the current translation is very simple. In some days I will write another English version.   I thank Matteo for his assistance with grammar.


Gli Occhi Aperti 

Ci sono momenti in cui mi domando perché.

Perché ci sono tante persone che si sentono perse? Perché?

Soprattutto quando sono in piedi l’una accanto all’altra.  Perché?

Perché ci sono tante persone che non hanno la consapevolezza

che la vita non è la realtà che può essere vista solo con i loro occhi?

Hanno bisogno di capire che

la loro realtà si allontana…

verso la corpulenza del mondo,

contro la verità dell’anima.

Realtà non è reale.

Realtà non è vera.

Non è neanche un’enigma,

né uno specchio oscurato

in cui non vediamo noi stessi.

Realtà è appena una manifestazione delle nostre paure

che sono state sviluppate dall’assenza

della saggezza in ognuna delle nostre vite.

Comunque questi pensieri sono solo una parte di un racconto vecchio.

Dall’inizio della nostra umanità, non abbiamo noi forse sempre detto

le stesse cose di nuovo, di nuovo e di nuovo?

Esiste sempre una ragione per la quale viviamo noi

le nostre vite nei modi in cui lo facciamo.

Esiste sempre una ragione per la quale diciamo noi

che non possiamo scegliere in modi diversi…


le vie nuove,


le intese nuove,


le parole nuove.







E in questo modo rimaniamo

le stesse persone

con le stesse domande:

<<Perché mi sento perso?>>

<<Perché mi sento solo

quando sono in piedi accanto a tutti?>>

Realtà non è realtà.

Devi aprire la tua mente per poter aprire gli occhi.

E poi, crei la realtà in cui vuoi vivere.


The Open Eyes

There are moments in which I ask myself why.

Why are there so many people who feel lost?  Why?

Especially when they are standing next to others. Why?

Why are there so many people who do not have the awareness

that life is not the reality that can be seen only with their eyes?

They need to understand that

their reality is moving away…

toward the corpulence of the world,

against the truth of the soul.

Reality is not real.

Reality is not true.

It is not even an enigma,

nor an obscured mirror,

in which we cannot see ourselves.

Reality is just a manifestation of our fears

that have been developed by the absence

of wisdom in each of our lives.

However, these thoughts are just a part of an old story.

From the beginning of our humanity, have we not always said

the same things again and again?

There always exists a reason for which we live

our lives in the ways that we do.

There always exists a reason for which we say

that we cannot chose different ways of being…


new paths


new understandings,


new words.







In this way we remain

the same people

with the same questions:

“Why am I lost?”

Why am I alone

when standing next to everyone?”

Reality is not reality.

You must open your mind in order to open your eyes.

And then, create the reality in which you want to live.


Grazie a tutti per prendere tempo per visitare e leggere.

Thank you everyone for taking time to visit and read.

Alla Prossima Volta,

Until Next Time,


Keeping It Simple and Sweet…

Source needed. My apologies.  Title is: tree-goddess-march-1

Source needed. My apologies. Title is: tree-goddess-march-1

Today, I began reading the book, 7 Ancient Keys to Happiness: A 90 Day, Lesson-a-Day Guide to Achieving Inner Bliss by S. Warren (Mills).  I am on Day 16.  I have completed some of the exercises, but mostly reading this book has prompted me to spend a great deal of time self-reflecting.

What I have come to realize is that I am a fairly happy person when I allow myself to be.  What I have  come, also, to realize is that I can be a fairly unhappy person when I allow myself to be.  What does this all mean?

Living with fibromyalgia involves living with, not only pain, but uncertainty.  One is never quite certain what the next day will bring.  Will I be able to get up?  Will I be able to function well?  I believe it is the uncertainty that can create the opportunity for unhappiness to develop, especially if there are predisposing factors.

The point of this post today, however, is not to get into a heavy psychological discussion.  Rather, I wanted to point out that what I have found/find/am finding most beneficial to me in maintaining/accessing my happiness is taking care of my body.

Thus, I would say to others, who are dealing with fibromyalgia or any challenges physically or emotionally, find a way to take care of the physical you.  Treat your body as sacred.  Find new ways to make your body feel at its best.

This time it's green tea.

This time it’s green tea. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Lately, I have been doing green tea facials, which has left me feeling more peaceful and accomplished.  It is a small thing, but an important part of what makes me feel happy at both the start and end of my day.  By doing this one action of self-care, I know that, at least, in one way, I am taking good care of me.

Also, along with taking care of the outer body, there are many books about the types of food that help people with fibroymalgia to feel better, such as

Yes, having fibromyalgia can mean doubting the capabilities of your body on any given day. It may mean that you may disappoint others because you are unable to do things as you have once done or promised to do.  Simply remember this, when all else fails, try to K.I.S.S. your life.  That is, try to Keep It Simple and SweetAnd never forget that…

Your body does not define your worth. 


How you treat your body does define your self-worth

Until Next Time,


Fibromyalgia welcomes you…to DIY

The invitations have already been sent.  The preparations have already been made.  Nevermind why you have been chosen.  Nevermind why you cannot refuse.  Fibromyalgia welcomes you…and asks you

“How shall you live this life?”

The house into which you have been welcomed provides an entrance but no exit.  The walls upon which you now stare are absent of windows.  There are stairs placed here and there, but that lead nowhere.

And still the question lingers,

Ireland: dark house“How shall you live this life?”

The daytime brings some light but never enough to provide sight.  The nighttime brings the descent into the darkest parts of your being.  There is limited sight.  And what cannot be seen must be felt.

Now the words come to your mind once again,

“How shall you live this life?”

Through the cold and the warmth of passing seasons, you use what provisions you have brought with you.  Through the cold and warmth of passing reason, you understand that these provisions are increasingly dwindling.


Seasons (Photo credit: *~Dawn~*)

Yet still, the demand persists,

“How shall you live this life?”

There are times when you hear knocking at doors that you can neither see, much less open.  There are times when a ray of sunlight shines through the cracks of the wall, reminding you that there is something more than this experience.

27/365: fractured reality/grace under pain

27/365: fractured reality/grace under pain

(Photo credit: Samie Harding)

There are times when you cannot sleep.  There are times when you cannot eat.  There are times when you cannot move.  There are times when you cannot remember.  There are times when you simply cannot… anything.


Then suddenly everything changes one morning.  You open your eyes to see that you have never left all that you once thought lost.  You open your mind to feelings of hope and joy.  You open your arms to embrace family and friends.  You open yourself to experiencing life at its fullest.


Black (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Then suddenly everything changes one morning.  You open your eyes to see nothing but the all-consuming darkness.  You close your mind to feelings of hope and joy.  You open your arms, only to close them around disconnection and doubt.  You are closed to experiencing your life as you have known it. Thus…

“How shall you live this life?”

By understanding that even in the darkness and emptiness of fibromyalgia, you can still find the tools to help you in reconstructing the house in which you now find yourself.

The reality is that no one can save you from fibromyalgia.  No one can fix this house for you.  No one else can live your life for you.  There is no running away.  There is no mental escape.  There is only the fact that…

only you can make a home for yourself out of this house of fibromyaglia.  And even the act of simply choosing to do so is the first step to finding the door.

Make this house of fibromyalgia  your next Do-It-Yourself project, and have fun with it!  Imagine what would make this house a home for you.

Until Next Time,


What is left…

Fibromyalgia Awareness

Fibromyalgia Awareness (Photo credit: Kindreds Page)

…after all has been stripped away?

More than two years ago, I began this blog at the urging of friends and former clients.  It has been a forum in which I have been able to explore both my personal and professional views on self-development.  More importantly, it has been a self-therapeutic process of addressing the significance of what it means to live with a chronic illness, especially as a counselor.

As indicated in my last posting, I have been dealing with an increase in my FMS symptoms, which has made my life more challenging than it has ever been.  Challenges, however, offer opportunities for self-growth, right?  Right.

If I were asked to write a list of all the “things” that fibromyalgia has taken away from me, it would be quite a long list. 😉  Having an “invisible” chronic illness, such as fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue, can mean the loss of sustainable livelihood, friendships, self-esteem, etc.  That is, it can mean the devastation of how one perceives of one’s self, i.e. self-concept.

English: Common signs and symptoms of fibromya...

English: Common signs and symptoms of fibromyalgia. (See Wikipedia:Fibromyalgia#Signs and symptoms). To discuss image, please see Template talk:Adult female diagrams References Retrieved on April 19, 2009 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Writing such a list, however, provides little benefit in learning how to take steps forward in the new life  that must be created as well as embraced.

Rather I would choose, and have chosen, to write a list of all the things that fibromyalgia has given to me, such as becoming more empathetic, more patient, more self-caring, more creative, more easy-going, simpler.

And ultimately, fibromyalgia has taught me how to ask for and receive help from others. 

The question that begins this posting is one that I have had to ask myself over the last seven years, and especially in the last several months. The answer that I can now give to myself is


May is Fibromyalgia Awareness Month.  More specifically, May 12th is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day.  Personally, I am ecstatic that awareness of this illness is being spread, especially globally.  With this developing awareness comes a better sensitivity to the plight of those who are dealing with this chronic illness.  After all, there is a reason  fibromyalgia is known as the “invisible illness.”

Thank you again to those of you who continued to visit my blog even though I have not posted in some time.

Until Next Time!


Choosing not to chase…

ImageHow do you know that you have been running until you stand still?  How do you recognize that your running has been a chase, one that is going after that which is and always will be ever-elusive…because it is not real?

We are born into a world that  sometimes demands of us to begin running before we understand what it means to truly stand, before we understand what it truly means to walk.  Sometimes, we are asked to go after and resolve the dreams of those who have come before us, because they have “failed” to achieve them.  Thus, their dreams become our dreams.  They live vicariously through us (even if they no longer live), and then we do the same to others.

As we begin this new year, we may be tempted to create long lists of goals to be achieved over the next twelve months.  That is, until we have to create newer and even longer lists that include the goals we “failed” to achieve (alongside the ones we now believe we must achieve in order to be “successful” in the process of living our lives).  We may be tempted to beat ourselves up for not having achieved our goals from the previous year(s).  We may even be tempted to simply give up and decide that we can never live life as we are expected or would like to live it.

Recently, when asked if I have made any resolutions for the new year, I have responded, “No.”  This answer, however, is not true.  There is one resolution that I have made–I have resolved to understand why I chose to make resolutions.

This year I have resolved to understand what parts of my desires for my future come solely from me, rather than from the desires of those who have come before me and who have had an influence upon my life.

It is a daunting task.  It is, however, a task that I am undertaking with great pleasure and already happy results.

28I recognize now that the fear-tinged “happiness,” which I have been chasing for so very long, is neither of my design nor is it my desire.  I recognize now, even more fully, that the capital “H” Happiness is not a fearful experience and one does not have to chase after it.  Happiness is always around you.  You simply have to choose to stop running.  You must choose to stand still–at least, this is what I have come to understand in regards to my life.

Stopping, however, is a process.  You cannot simply halt yourself midstep and not expect to fall.  No, you must slow yourself down and begin acknowledging that which surrounds you.  And as you slow down, you begin to realize that you can breathe more easily, think more freely, move more gently. You realize that the path, on which you are travelling, is not so very hard on your feet, on your body, or on your mind.  Indeed, the path is actually one that is quite beautiful even if and when it is isolated…

Beginning late October of last year, I began this process of stopping.  I decided to allow life to show me that, even at my lowest, I can also experience my highest sensations of gratitude and love.

Thus, I would like to welcome this new year with an expression of gratitude to all those who have supported me and continue to do so (even when my path diverged from their own). Particularly the following people:

  • My Mother (who is an emblem of strength),
  • My Sisters (who think and know that I am quite strange but love me anyway),
  • My Ex-partner (who showed me the part of myself that was missing and still loved me),
  • My New and Old Friends (who help me to face myself each day),
  • My New and Old Mentors (who inspire me to reach that which seems beyond me),

Thank You All.

 I hope that You have been able to welcome the new year with hope and joy. 

Until Next Time…



Liebster Award, Last of the Mohicans, and Lord of the Rings

The Lord of the Rings film trilogy

The Lord of the Rings film trilogy (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have had the pleasure of being nominated for the Liebster Award by Sandra Bellamy, author of the blog QuirkyBooks. 🙂  Thank you so very much!  I am truly grateful.As a part of being a nominee of this word, it is my task to answer eleven (11) questions, the answers to which I have posted below.  So, I am going to dive into the questions, and let’s see what happens.

Below my answers, you will see my nominees for the Liebster Awards!

What first inspired you to start writing a blog?

Well, it is more of who rather than what.  I would say that my clients first planted the seed in my mind about writing a blog.  You see, I worked with adolescent and young adult women, who believed that my life would interesting to share…I wasn’t quite sold on the idea.  That is, until my friend, photographer Dolores Juhas, suggested I begin one during my second visit to Rome.  For whatever reasons, I thought then that it would be interesting to begin writing, especially as I had already resigned from my position, and felt more free to write about life publicly.

What is the biggest challenge you have ever had to face when writing your blog?

I suppose I am always concerned with issues dealing with privacy/self-disclosure.  As a therapist, I think it is important to be mindful of what I share of myself in the world.  I have tried, therefore, to write more self-reflective pieces that could be applicable to the lives of those who may take the time read the blog.  I think it is important for therapists to show themselves as being human beings, who struggle and work through their issues, without going overboard with the details.

If you travelled through time, what time would you want to arrive at and why?

Well, I would prefer to travel forward in time.  I would like to see what the world will be like in a hundred years.  Why? Thinking about how much things have changed in the experience of living for human being since 1912 makes me curious about how 2012 will be viewed a hundred from now.  Will we have changed for the better?

The Last of the Mohicans (1992 film)

The Last of the Mohicans (1992 film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Do you prefer to eat chocolate or sweets (or neither)?

If I were to be blatantly honest, I would say that I prefer Milka Hazelnut Chocolate bars. 🙂  Otherwise, in general I prefer chocolate.  I am not a fan of sweets, except perhaps mints.  They are always handy.

Do you prefer to read or to write?

How about both? I consider myself a prolific reader.  I go through books of various genres.  I’ve always been like that since childhood.  I am grateful to my ex for purchasing a Kindle for my birthday, because it has allowed me to continue with my book-buying obsession.  Right now, I am hooked on Japanese manga–don’t ask why. 😉

What is your favourite genre of writing and why?

I prefer poetry.  Even though I have a tendency to ramble, it is a function of my struggle to find the right words to capture my thoughts.  Poetry I find lends itself well to image-based and minimalist thinking.  I can choose one word/image that represents a host of ideas without having to go into lengthy explanations.

Then again, I also like writing essays.

What is your favourite non-fiction topic to read about and why?

Oh, may I plead the fifth on this?  Why? I have a wide array of interests.  There isn’t one particular subject I prefer to read about at any given time.  Rather, I become fixated on a topic, read and learn all that I can about it, and then I move on to the next topic.

If you could buy one book that would help you to solve a problem in your life, what would it be and why?

Wow, is there a manual out there titled, Life of Diedre M. Blake: How to Guide?  If there is one, then I will absolutely buy it.  Otherwise, I think I will have to write that book myself.  Currently, I am doing extensive research on this subject.

Rome, Italy (2.21.11)

Do you prefer to write at night or during the day?

Well, I have found recently that if I lock myself in the basement of a university, armed with a laptop, the soundtrack to The Last of Mohicans or The Lord of the Rings Trilogy or Vivaldi‘s Four Seasons, I can write from morning until late in the night.  If I am at home, however, I find that I tend to write late at night or ridiculously early in the morning.

If you could be any character out of any book, who would you be and why?

Hmm…Strangely enough, I would be Jane Eyre.  I guess because I relate well to her story.  Also, perhaps I am a bit of a romantic, and would like to believe that the hardships of life serve a purpose and can help to lead you to self-love and the love of others.

Do you prefer to read a printed book or an e-Book?

Printed.  My apologies to the trees, but there is something comforting to the feel of paper in my hands.

Who do I nominate for the Liebster Award?  Well, see below:

(Disclaimer: I recognize that some of these blogs may have more than 200 followers, but still I would like to acknowledge them.  Also, I am not very technologically savvy to know how to find out the number of followers a blog has if it is not posted.) 🙂

Until Next Time!



When we are unsure,

…we are alive. – Graham Greene

Tomorrow begins NaNoWriMo, and today I learnt an important lesson:  it is okay not to know.  I do not know what will happen as I begin to write my story.  Yes, I have outline.  Yes, I have been reading various books on novel writing.  Yes, I feel passionately about my ideas thus far.  The fact, however, still remains that the moment my fingers strike the keyboard; tapping out words to form images, tapping out words to create feeling, tapping, tapping; it means I let go of my control.  I let go of the safe thoughts that have been circulating in my mind about what my story is or what it ought to be.  I place myself at the mercy of my imagination and my subconscious.  Is this scary?   Heck, yes!  It conjures images of failure of all types, and failing is something I fear greatly.  This is what I realized also today.  I fear failure, which goes hand-in-hand with my fear of not knowing.

It is okay not to know.  I write those words to remind myself that I am capable of being a good parent to myself, capable enough to allow myself humanity.  There are often times when I surrender to not knowing the future, not remembering the past, not being in the present.  Now, I surrender to not knowing myself in my entirety.  It is okay not to know.

This is my mantra starting tonight.  The last three weeks have been something akin to internal hell with a body that was failing me, a mind that was frustrating me with old expectations that echo from words spoken by people in the past:  there is no room for failure, 99% is not enough.   Still, even after thirty-four years, the drive for perfection in so very many things continues to present in my waking steps, perhaps too in my dreams .  It is okay not know, perhaps never to know.  I am a living being.  I am not static.  I am dynamic, ever-changing, ever embracing the process of life.

I remind myself now that there is nothing for which to ask forgiveness, and perhaps there never will be as long as I am trying my very best.  Some days I will achieve 100%.  Some days I will achieve 50%.  There are only two points: to live and to write.  Perhaps it is to live through writing.

It’s time to begin NaNoWriMo! 😉  Good luck, everyone!



The birds and the flow of water…

I have no desire to write today.  My body aches from fatigue and illness.  My mind focuses on all the things that I ought to do and ought to have done.  I am taking pleasure in listening to the sound of the flowing water from my shower…another ought to.  I am pondering the call of the starlings that have made their arrival known to Rome.  My mind refuses coherent thoughts. I write because if I wait for the desire to write to come, it may never do so.  I write because I recognize that I am hiding myself from certain truths, or perhaps certain fears. Today, in this moment, I am asking myself why I have chosen this path.  It is so very uncertain.  Why take a step towards a destination unknown?  I suppose I have no answer.  I can only live in the now, not the then or the hereafter . I have no guarantee that this life that I am living will lead to anything that would be considered a success by all.  What I do know is that I am filling that which was once empty.  Until next time. Best,D.