Tag: emotions

Gli Occhi Aperti / The Open Eyes…

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Cut Eye

Cut Eye (Photo credit: lindes)

Ho deciso di scrivere oggi in italiano (ma anche con una traduzione in inglese per i miei lettori che leggono solo in inglese).  Come mi sento in questo momento? Non sono sicura.  Sono stanchissima da morire, perché tante cose hanno successo questa settimana ed anche ho lavorato molto, almeno secondo me.  Continuo a scrivere il mio romanzo e oggi ho scritto una poesia nuova in italiano.  Vorrei condividerla con la speranza che voi mi diate le vostre opinioni. Come ho già scritto, ho scritto una traduzione in inglese, comunque l’orginale è stato scritto in italiano. Quindi la traduzione attuale è molta semplice. In alcuni giorni scriverò un’altra versione inglese. Ringrazio Matteo per la sua assitenza con la grammatica.

——————-

Today, I decided to write in Italian (but always with a translation in English for my readers who only read in English).  How am I feeling in this moment? I am not certain.  I am ridiculously tired, because many things have happened this week and also I work a lot, at least, in my opinion.  I continue to write my novel and today I have written a new poem in Italian.  I would liked to share it, with the hope that you will give your opinions.  As I have already written, I have written a translation in English.  However, the orginal is in Italian.  Therefore, the current translation is very simple. In some days I will write another English version.   I thank Matteo for his assistance with grammar.

——————-

Gli Occhi Aperti 

Ci sono momenti in cui mi domando perché.

Perché ci sono tante persone che si sentono perse? Perché?

Soprattutto quando sono in piedi l’una accanto all’altra.  Perché?

–

Perché ci sono tante persone che non hanno la consapevolezza

che la vita non è la realtà che può essere vista solo con i loro occhi?

–

Hanno bisogno di capire che

la loro realtà si allontana…

verso la corpulenza del mondo,

contro la verità dell’anima.

–

Realtà non è reale.

Realtà non è vera.

Non è neanche un’enigma,

né uno specchio oscurato

in cui non vediamo noi stessi.

–

Realtà è appena una manifestazione delle nostre paure

che sono state sviluppate dall’assenza

della saggezza in ognuna delle nostre vite.

–

Comunque questi pensieri sono solo una parte di un racconto vecchio.

Dall’inizio della nostra umanità, non abbiamo noi forse sempre detto

le stesse cose di nuovo, di nuovo e di nuovo?

–

Esiste sempre una ragione per la quale viviamo noi

le nostre vite nei modi in cui lo facciamo.

–

Esiste sempre una ragione per la quale diciamo noi

che non possiamo scegliere in modi diversi…

–

Mai…

le vie nuove,

Mai…

le intese nuove,

Mai…

le parole nuove.

–

Mai…

Mai…

Mai…

Mai…

Mai…

Mai…

–

E in questo modo rimaniamo

le stesse persone

con le stesse domande:

–

<<Perché mi sento perso?>>

<<Perché mi sento solo

quando sono in piedi accanto a tutti?>>

–

Realtà non è realtà.

Devi aprire la tua mente per poter aprire gli occhi.

E poi, crei la realtà in cui vuoi vivere.

–

————————————————–
————————————————–
–

The Open Eyes

There are moments in which I ask myself why.

Why are there so many people who feel lost?  Why?

Especially when they are standing next to others. Why?

–

Why are there so many people who do not have the awareness

that life is not the reality that can be seen only with their eyes?

–

They need to understand that

their reality is moving away…

toward the corpulence of the world,

against the truth of the soul.

–

Reality is not real.

Reality is not true.

It is not even an enigma,

nor an obscured mirror,

in which we cannot see ourselves.

–

Reality is just a manifestation of our fears

that have been developed by the absence

of wisdom in each of our lives.

–

However, these thoughts are just a part of an old story.

From the beginning of our humanity, have we not always said

the same things again and again?

–

There always exists a reason for which we live

our lives in the ways that we do.

–

There always exists a reason for which we say

that we cannot chose different ways of being…

–

Never…

new paths

Never….

new understandings,

Never…

new words.

–

Never…

Never…

Never…

Never…

Never…

Never…

–

In this way we remain

the same people

with the same questions:

–

“Why am I lost?”

“Why am I alone

when standing next to everyone?”

–

Reality is not reality.

You must open your mind in order to open your eyes.

And then, create the reality in which you want to live.

–

————————————————–
————————————————–

Grazie a tutti per prendere tempo per visitare e leggere.

Thank you everyone for taking time to visit and read.

Alla Prossima Volta,

Until Next Time,

D.

Fibromyalgia welcomes you…to DIY

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The invitations have already been sent.  The preparations have already been made.  Nevermind why you have been chosen.  Nevermind why you cannot refuse.  Fibromyalgia welcomes you…and asks you

“How shall you live this life?”

The house into which you have been welcomed provides an entrance but no exit.  The walls upon which you now stare are absent of windows.  There are stairs placed here and there, but that lead nowhere.

And still the question lingers,

Ireland: dark house“How shall you live this life?”

The daytime brings some light but never enough to provide sight.  The nighttime brings the descent into the darkest parts of your being.  There is limited sight.  And what cannot be seen must be felt.

Now the words come to your mind once again,

“How shall you live this life?”

Through the cold and the warmth of passing seasons, you use what provisions you have brought with you.  Through the cold and warmth of passing reason, you understand that these provisions are increasingly dwindling.

Seasons

Seasons (Photo credit: *~Dawn~*)

Yet still, the demand persists,

“How shall you live this life?”

There are times when you hear knocking at doors that you can neither see, much less open.  There are times when a ray of sunlight shines through the cracks of the wall, reminding you that there is something more than this experience.

27/365: fractured reality/grace under pain

27/365: fractured reality/grace under pain

(Photo credit: Samie Harding)

There are times when you cannot sleep.  There are times when you cannot eat.  There are times when you cannot move.  There are times when you cannot remember.  There are times when you simply cannot… anything.

Daybreak

Then suddenly everything changes one morning.  You open your eyes to see that you have never left all that you once thought lost.  You open your mind to feelings of hope and joy.  You open your arms to embrace family and friends.  You open yourself to experiencing life at its fullest.

Black

Black (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Then suddenly everything changes one morning.  You open your eyes to see nothing but the all-consuming darkness.  You close your mind to feelings of hope and joy.  You open your arms, only to close them around disconnection and doubt.  You are closed to experiencing your life as you have known it. Thus…

“How shall you live this life?”

By understanding that even in the darkness and emptiness of fibromyalgia, you can still find the tools to help you in reconstructing the house in which you now find yourself.

The reality is that no one can save you from fibromyalgia.  No one can fix this house for you.  No one else can live your life for you.  There is no running away.  There is no mental escape.  There is only the fact that…

only you can make a home for yourself out of this house of fibromyaglia.  And even the act of simply choosing to do so is the first step to finding the door.

Make this house of fibromyalgia  your next Do-It-Yourself project, and have fun with it!  Imagine what would make this house a home for you.

Until Next Time,

D.

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What is left…

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Fibromyalgia Awareness

Fibromyalgia Awareness (Photo credit: Kindreds Page)

…after all has been stripped away?

More than two years ago, I began this blog at the urging of friends and former clients.  It has been a forum in which I have been able to explore both my personal and professional views on self-development.  More importantly, it has been a self-therapeutic process of addressing the significance of what it means to live with a chronic illness, especially as a counselor.

As indicated in my last posting, I have been dealing with an increase in my FMS symptoms, which has made my life more challenging than it has ever been.  Challenges, however, offer opportunities for self-growth, right?  Right.

If I were asked to write a list of all the “things” that fibromyalgia has taken away from me, it would be quite a long list. 😉  Having an “invisible” chronic illness, such as fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue, can mean the loss of sustainable livelihood, friendships, self-esteem, etc.  That is, it can mean the devastation of how one perceives of one’s self, i.e. self-concept.

English: Common signs and symptoms of fibromya...

English: Common signs and symptoms of fibromyalgia. (See Wikipedia:Fibromyalgia#Signs and symptoms). To discuss image, please see Template talk:Adult female diagrams References fibromyalgia-symptoms.org Retrieved on April 19, 2009 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Writing such a list, however, provides little benefit in learning how to take steps forward in the new life  that must be created as well as embraced.

Rather I would choose, and have chosen, to write a list of all the things that fibromyalgia has given to me, such as becoming more empathetic, more patient, more self-caring, more creative, more easy-going, simpler.

And ultimately, fibromyalgia has taught me how to ask for and receive help from others. 

The question that begins this posting is one that I have had to ask myself over the last seven years, and especially in the last several months. The answer that I can now give to myself is

“Hope.”

May is Fibromyalgia Awareness Month.  More specifically, May 12th is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day.  Personally, I am ecstatic that awareness of this illness is being spread, especially globally.  With this developing awareness comes a better sensitivity to the plight of those who are dealing with this chronic illness.  After all, there is a reason  fibromyalgia is known as the “invisible illness.”

Thank you again to those of you who continued to visit my blog even though I have not posted in some time.

Until Next Time!

D.

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He tells me to “let it go…”

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Today, I was told “just let it go” a few times in a conversation. The “let it go” was in reference to an object.  I found it a curious comment, since I rarely hold on to possessions and, with ease, give them away.

I found it curious that this person did not realize that the “thing” to which I was holding, if I were holding anything at all, was actually something intangible, something far more precious and valuable than any object.  That is, friendship.

Friendship, whether young or old, is far more important in our lives than any item that can be purchased.  It is through the connections that we build with others that we truly learn about ourselves and the process of living.  Sometimes the connections that we form are unhealthy for us, damaging, and can darken our perception of ourselves and the world around us.  Other times, our connections can pull us out of the temporary abyss in which we sometimes find ourselves.

As time accumulates with each passing moment, I have come to understand that there is nothing truly to which we can hold, except ourselves.

Self Embrace

Found: http://www.flickr.com/photos/whiskeyglass

This connection that we have with ourselves is one to be nurtured and acts as a guide through even the most difficult of moments.Thus, even as we make or lose connection with others, we never let go of ourselves.

To my young friend, who advised me to “let it go,” I say there is no “it” of which one must let go.  Rather, one must simply let go…of every “thing” that one has ever desired to possess.

For many years, I have maintained an “open embrace,” allowing others to come into and go out of my life as they choose.  It is the way in which I prefer to live, i.e. neither feeling the need to hold on nor having the necessity to let go of…

"Black Health Is..." Found: http://cdn.madamenoire.com

“Black Health Is…” Found: http://cdn.madamenoire.com

Until Next Time,

D.

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He tells me to write Fibromyalgia…

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Days of weakness.  Days of strength.

“Tu sei debole,” my Italian professor says pointedly to me. “Io sono forte.  Quindi io vinco e tu perdi.” 

It is a discussion on verismo and positivismo–the idea that we are what we are until we die and that there is nothing we can do to change it.

Debole…

Fibromyalgia is the body that will not rise, even when the mind commands it; the mind that will not rest, even when the body requires it; the emotions that rage; the emotions that calm–the pendulum of the self that swings wildly with the change of the weather…the change of the seasons.

Forte…

Fibromyalgia is the body that overcomes pain, even when the  mind surrenders to it; the mind that overcomes suffering, even when the body submits to it; the thoughts that beseech; the thoughts that concede–the pendulum of the self that settles slowly with the transformation of self-perception…the formation of self-acceptance.   

Write…

“I am a person who has a chronic illness,” I say to myself and others. “Fibromyalgia and I are not one and the same.”

My professor is staring at me.  He can see that my movements are slow.  I am in pain.  It takes me a long time to rise from my seat, to pick up my books, to pick up my coat, to put my bag on my shoulders.  It is not a good day.  There have not been many good days since late autumn.

“Is it always like this?”

Shamefacedly, I raise my eyes to meet his. “Often enough these days.”

I have no excuses.  I have learnt well enough by now that people will judge you as they will–but he isn’t judging me–and if the judgement is harsh, then you can only apologise for having disappointed–but he isn’t disappointed in me–and move on.

“Have you ever written about it?”

Rilke. Found via Google Images

Found via Google Images

“I have tried in the past.”  The question is not unfamiliar.  Indeed, it was only a little over a year ago that another professor from the Creative Writing Program made the same inquiry.  “I decided to take some space from it.”

It is momentary, the dance of excitement that control his features before coming to an abrupt halt.  Here is an opportunity.  I know it is an opportunity.

My mind already understands the words that have yet to be spoken to me.  My mind has already resolved itself to the task that is to be required of me.  My body feels heavier than before, the skin and flesh of my chest press too much against the bones that encase my lungs.  My body feels more alive than before, my shoulders and my head are relieved of some invisible burden.

“Whenever you cannot be here,” he says before continuing to gather his things. “I want you to write about it. Write about your fibromyalgia.”

In this moment, he is teaching me something I had once learnt, seemingly long ago.  He is teaching me that self-acceptance is a dynamic process that evolves from self-confrontation.

It is time once again to look in the mirror.

——

Thank you again to those of you who continued to visit my blog even though I have not posted in some time.  More recently, I have been struggling with my FMS symptoms and have had to prioritize the tasks I needed to accomplish during each day.  As such my writing fell temporarily to the wayside.  I have decided to dedicate my blog writing to dealing with topics related to FMS until the end of May (which is the FMS Awareness month), including reviewing books as well as activities/tools that have helped and are helping me in my process. 

Until Next Time!

D.

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“There are only the pursued,…

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the pursuing, the busy and the tired.”

―    F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

To begin again, or perhaps to find a graceful end–isn’t this what so many desire?  The possibility to erase our mistakes, to free ourselves from regret, to return to the things that once gave us pleasure, or even to take the chance to do the things we once thought reckless?

Like a good book, we do not want to conceive of the end, yet we yearn for a conclusion:  one that provides answers for the questions that have arisen along the way.

What if we were to give up on the notions of beginnings and endings?  What if there were only the process of moving through our experiences?  What if there were only this moment, continuous?

The young woman who wishes to become more than she is, but does not understand that she is already so very much.  The young man who sees a handsome face reflected in the mirror, and believes it is his only tool by which to carve out a life, but does not realize that this is done through authentic relationships.

The woman nearing middle age who frightens herself with each new line on her face, peels away her skin in efforts to reach juvenescence, but does not see the lessons of self-loathing that she is teaching to her daughter.  The man who sees himself only through the youth of a woman, and fails to recognize that he is simply a mockery of all that he could never be.

The old woman who mutters in disgust at the teenage girl wearing a miniskirt, while staring through eyes encased in heavy mascara and sneering lips painted an embolden red.  The old man who calls to young girls as they pass by, ignoring the fact that he could be their grandparent.

For what do we yearn? Is it merely to be seen and to have seen?  Is it merely to remember and not be forgotten?

We are pursued by the dreams that we built so very long ago for ourselves.  Dreams that sometimes mock us, or give us courage, or simply remind us that we are not yet dead.

We cut our way through life, carving out paths by which we can continue pursuing our dreams or someone else’s–perhaps, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter which.

We keep ourselves busy, moving, get through our time here…until we are tired, and we yearn no more.

—-

These days have been filled…too filled, but rewardingly so.  I am glad to return to my blog.  I thank everyone who has taken the time out to visit me, especially during the times when I have not written.  Thank you again.

Until Next Time.

Best,

D.

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TWFB: I am flattered…but, why must you take a picture of me?

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Found: http://www.crunchyroll.com/forumtopic-361011/how-you-met-your-idol
(No, this has nothing to do with the AMBW post. I just liked the picture out of all the ones I found on Google Images) 😉

This story starts as far back as 1999 while I was studying in Berlin, where I was approached by an elderly couple, who 1) wanted to take my picture, and 2) wanted to ask me hair care advice for their recently adopted African grandchild.

Now, I am all for helping anyone out if it is within my power.  Thus, I acquiesced to their request.  Let’s fast-forward to my travels around Italy.  From the time I put my foot down on the sidewalk of an Italian city, I have been regularly asked to have my picture taken, sometimes by people who are visibly tourists and sometimes by Italians.  It doesn’t matter where:  walking around the Vatican (check), coming out of the Colosseo metro station (check), window shopping in Florence (check).

Of course, this kind of thing is flattering on one level–who doesn’t like to have someone ask to take their picture?  And I am human enough to say that I find it mildly entertaining, i.e. after the initial shock.   On the other hand, it is rather disturbing to me to come to the understanding that some people have such little exposure to others who are visibly different that they feel the need to record it–I am quite certain that there are random pictures out their in the world of me looking sightly (or very) awkward…

In Campo dei Fiori studio (2011)

Anyway, what say you who are like me?  Has anyone else had these kinds of experiences, regardless of your race/ethnicity? If so, what do you make of it?

Vivian Nwakah, host of the blog Lonely Tripping, writes about her travels and her experiences. In one of her posts, she discussed the lack of positive portrayal of Black people in the media. More so, how the prevalence of this type of negative media has a potentially direct impact on the experiences of Black travellers.  In relating an experience with a young Turkish man, she stated,

“Now in his defense he has never left his village in Turkey and he has probably never met a black person before. He only has the media and negative portrayals of black people to go on.

That being said, when you leave a big city and start to travel the world you should expect and be prepared to deal with misconceptions about your race, gender, culture, ethnicity, religion, and nationality. The most important thing to know is that if a person you meet is not open to learn about you and your culture; the only recourse you have is to continue to carry yourself with class and dignity.”

I agree with her sentiments whole-heartedly.

Until Next Time!

Best,

D.

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Fruit stands, and why I choose not to date…

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Rome, romance…They would seem to go hand-in-hand.  Taking a look at the multitude of tourists who are perma-grinning all over the place all the time here, perhaps they do.  For me, romance is something I am choosing do without (as mentioned in a posting a couple of days back).

It isn’t just the need to focus on my well-being.  It is simply the craziness (to me) of it all.  I have found that dating doesn’t seem to quite exist here.  Many people either seem to be looking for an interesting fling/story…or they are ready to have you cooking and cleaning their houses (notice, I didn’t say marry…because, for some that is not quite what they have in mind). At this point, you may be wondering, D, why on earth are you thinking about this?

(I was attempting to find a video on attraction.  I found Yanni instead.  Makes me smile :))

The answer is that I went to buy some tangerines at the fruit stand today.  What?  Yes, it all happened at the fruit stand, where I was openly solicited by a handsome twenty-two year old, who was being actively encouraged by his older brother to ask me out.

Anyway, after laughing off the matter and abruptly extricating myself from the situation, I went home and began to think about my “dating” experiences in Rome.

And honestly, I haven’t really “dated” here in Rome.  I have met some very interesting people.  Half of whom were too young and looking for a mother/caregiver/advisor person.   The other half were older and looking for someone to dominate and exoticize.  Suffice to say, I saw through all of that easily enough, and have thus remained single.

More importantly, however, these experiences and this episode made me realize that I needed to ask myself a serious question: That is, just what is it within me that is attracting these types of people?  After all, there must be something that I am seeking to have so many of the same types of people come my way.  I am quite positive that there are many eligible, single, socially adaptable, independent, successful, internally and externally attractive people out there in the world.  So, what exactly is going on with me?

Some people may say, Well, D, you are a strong woman.  And strong attracts weak. And to those people, I will say, perhaps you are right, but I am willing to wait for the universe to present me with someone who can recognize the balance of strength and weakness within himself or herself and in others.

So, Mr. Young Fruit Stand Man, thanks but no thanks…I’ve learned this lesson too many times already.  🙂

Until Next Time!

Best,

D.

 

P.S. Excellent quote I found on ViewOnBuddhism.org:

“When we accept the way things are we are able to love everything and everybody. When we are not able to accept even one thing in this world right now, then how could we ever develop boundless love? Lack of acceptance is conflict. Conflict is pain. It is psychological pain. It is a spiritual illness. As long as our hearts are tormented by that pain, we do not have the strength to give our heart to anything and because of that it is impossible to bring about inner awakening. Enlightenment, you see, is just another name for boundless love.

It is almost impossible to practice loving-kindness towards all living beings without addressing, in a meaningful way, the innumerable problems arising in our own lives. It is a contradiction, you see. It does not work. If our heart is tormented because we are not able to accept things the way they are, then it is impossible to open our heart. It is impossible to let go of all of our defenses and embrace others. Therefore we have to constantly practice and deepen our awareness. We have to remind ourselves to accept things as they are. This is pretty much what the teachings called Mind Training are all about. Mind Training in Buddhism is about carrying those perspectives and even reciting slogans, phrases like “I shall accept the way things are.” Anam Thubten, No Self, No Problem

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Resolutions…resolve (Part 2)

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(Yeah, I flipped the title)

So, here they are.  Let me know what you think! 🙂

D’s List of the Turn-around Ten

1. Address the health issue.  What does that mean?  As much as I hate to admit it, it means losing the weight that I have managed to regain.  It’s not much, but I dislike talking about and thinking about weight-related issues, especially given my area of specialization in therapy.  On the other hand, I am human and would love to be able share this aspect of my human experience without judging myself.   It’s not just the issue of weight, but there are a host of other things I need to get under control, such as actually finding myself a doctor here in Rome.  I suppose I have been in a bit of denial that my life is actually rooted here now.  Getting my own medical team together to help me with fibromyalgia is really about the last step before I finally see myself as officially living here. Completed.

2. Abstain from dating.  That’s right, I am still single…and still loving it.  😉  Every now and again, however, I have managed to allow myself to date someone briefly.  As nice as dating and all of those emotional things are, for me, they get in the way of my accomplishing some personal goals (like making time to write) and also interfere with resolution number one (like eating better and treating my body well).  So, no-no to that.  😉 Partially Completed

3. Maintain my GPA.  This might read a bit strange, but it’s very important to me.  Currently, I have a 4.0 and two scholarships at my university.  Um… Given issues surrounding my health, stress from emotional drama, and other issues, I have not been able to function as I would like in school.  That is, I have been too ill be to attend more often than not.  It is beginning to remind me of my most dark period when I was working and found myself too ill to work.  Thus, no matter what, the goal is to ensure that I get out of this semester 4.0 intact. Yes, I’ll be holed up in my room or at the uni library…such is life. 🙂 Partially Completed.

4. Make space for friends. Yeah, I suck.  Yes, you read it here first, and can feel free to repeat it, because I am about to do so–I suck.  I know I have acquaintances and friends.  I see that I have a list of some hundreds of people on my Facebook account, a bunch of contacts on my LinkedIn, and some folks even here.  I look at my phone and I recognize that I have an actual contact list with people’s names on it…not just the auto-dial numbers for my cellphone service.   So, why don’t I spend time with them?  Well, the reason is twofold:  one, I hate feeling as though I am imposing on other people’s time (childhood issue), and two, I am often sick (see task number 1 of this list), involved in emotional drama (whether my own or someone else’s), and am busy with studying. Ongoing.

5. Work and save.  I have to write this.  I really miss having a steady income.  I miss knowing exactly how much money I would have coming to me at the end of the month–it’s not a small thing.  As an adult, and I suppose I can consider myself one now at 34, it’s not easy matter to try live on limited resources.  Furthermore, taking the step that I did (which I do not regret for an instance) to come to Italy meant relying upon savings.  Thus, of course, it would make sense that my savings is quite depleted.  But as they say, once you are at the bottom, you can always climb to the top.  So, with what I make before paying anyone else, I shall have to pay myself first (my mother taught me that). 😉 Ongoing.

  Hahaha!  Right! 😀

 6. Work and pay.Yup, isn’t it lovely?  Like many others, I have bills, bills, and more bills.  Try moving your life to another country…you will find that it will mean bills, bills, and more bills–at least, until you’ve got yourself settled into a job, which I do not.  For all intents and purposes, I am a student, and work as a student when I can.  The plan, however, is to pay off at least one of my major bill by the end of the year, and to make the others more manageable.  Enough said on that. Completed.

7. Write.  It’s a bit scary to write, but I’ve got a story that I believe in, and for which I have been unable to make time due to the issues involved in the first six resolutions.  So…if one my main points in life is that I want to be a writer–no, not want to be, I am a writer–then I need to write…not just that story, but also this blog and all the other places to which I put my thoughts. So, the goal?  To write at least two-three solid chapters.  I am not pushing my luck to think in terms of numbers of pages.  I’ve already stated that I will be updating this blog at least weekly to update about my progress. Completed.

8. Paint and other creative stuff. I sometimes forget that I have a degree in painting.  I forget that I love to draw people’s faces and to express in this creative manner.   I forget, too, that knitting and crocheting soothe me.  I forget that I have a classical guitar that’s been leaning against my desk for over a year.  I forget that I like to sing and write songs… I am not even sure of my voice anymore.  I forget that I have a violin and a “How to Play Violin” book…and that I love teaching myself how to play instruments.  Man, I am wicked forgetful about things that keep me and have kept me sane in this life.  So, back to what brings comfort. Ongoing.

9. Remember.  I tend to forget (see number 8).  There are certain things that I have learned over the course of the last few years that I want to focus my mind on for the remainder of the year…and beyond that.  First, is to remind myself to practice achieving bodhicitta (I want to reread Pema Chodron‘s The Places that Scare You and to find my copy of her book When Things Fall Apart).  Second, is to practice the law of attraction.   Whether it is the idea of “show me yourself, and I will tell you who you are,” or “like attracts like,” I have come to understand that I what I put out there in the world is what I get back.  Thus, I will work hard to keep my mind and heart in the place that is best for me. Ongoing.

 10. Gratitude.  I would like to say that I express gratitude always and in a way that those who know me can understand, but that, I think, would be unreasonable.  Instead, I will state that my focus is on learning how to express my gratitude to everyone who has shared with me a part of their lives no matter how small. Ongoing.

So, that’s it!  Again, let me know your thoughts!  And cheer for me, will you?

Until Next Time!

Best,

D.

P.S. Christian Gen Monsen is simply awesome, and starting around minute 5 of this video, he makes a very inspiring statement…but watch the whole thing, because Japan and Japanese culture are wonderful. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M1UDAJxrL0&feature=share&list=UL4M1UDAJxrL0

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Love: is it really necessary to state it?

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Reading manga and watching anime has recently turned into a pastime of mine.  I enjoy this aspect of Japanese culture and am a very visually-inclined person, thus it works out.  As I have been going along with my soon-to-be-obsessive manga/anime thing, I have come to recognize an important difference between Japanese and American cultures.  That is, in America we use the actual words “I love you” as though we are automatic ticket dispensing machines… you know, the ones at the deli, or in a waiting room, at the post office… the ones that you push the button and out comes that little slip of paper that let you know that you will receive service?

When I first began read manga, I thought that the statement suki desu (“I like you”) were a direct translation of the English “I love you” as this is how it is often translated.  I was shocked to discover that the word aishiteru was actually “I love you.”  Furthermore, that this word was rarely used.  Initially I was dismayed at the thought of what life would be like without hearing the words “I love you,” then it dawned on me… “I love you” as it is used in English seems to hold very little meaning.  We use this statement seemingly freely, we love everything and everyone–disclaimer:  I know that I am generalizing here. 😉  Just bear with me.

The above thought left me transitioning from feelings of anger to sadness, sadness to fear, and back again to anger, only to end with resolve.  My anger stemmed from the many times I have heard, whether in my own personal life or hearing the tragic love stories of others,  the statement used “I love you” that should have been really daisuki desu “I like you a lot” or better yet “I like you a lot until I find someone I like even more.” 

No, this isn’t bitterness.  Yes, I own the fact that I have grown more skeptical throughout years, especially in more recent ones.  This is truly an attempt to understand emotionally honest and how clearly we can state our feelings given the limitations of our language.  Somehow we have lost the ability to describe our more intimate feelings using words such as “adore,” “dear,” “smittened,” etc.  Somehow it seems that we can only go from zero to one hundred in our feelings, and subsequently zoom down the love highway.  We seemingly go from “I like you” to “I love you” without hesitation, but why?

Is it that we can no longer take the time to accurately identify and aptly describe our emotional state in relation to each other?  Are we so very worried that if we do not say “I love you” that the feeling will not be conveyed accurately?  I want to return to a world where I can say that I adore, am smittened, find dear, am enamored, find beloved, yearn for, desire, long for, want,etc…

So, what does this all mean, D.?  Well, simply that I tip my hat to Japanese culture and am choosing to embrace in my life taking the slow lane to stating the profound feelings embodied within the words “I love you.”  Afterall, life and people are too precious not slow down, understand, and clearly state my feelings.  In the long run, it is simply with the aim of causing no or little harm.

 

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