Tag: Black women

Relationships | OkCupid, Exoticism & Creepy Italian Men

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I am amazed.

Luckily the above screenshot isn’t from my inbox, but the messages aren’t that much off.  It’s been about a week since I decided to make myself visible to “straight people” on OkCupid.  Almost 300 profile  likes and even hundreds more messages later, I am beginning to wonder how “straight women” survive the barrage of messages I am sure they must get.

Now, let’s be real here for a moment; 300 profile likes in a week is not a significant amount.  However, according to OkCupid, as a 30-something queer Black woman, I probably shouldn’t even be getting any attention from anyone: Black, White, Asian, Indian, Native America, Pacific Islander, Middle Eastern and Human, whether gay, bi or straight.

Image found: http://madamenoire.com

So, getting that much traffic and positive responses to my profile left me…a bit baffled.

Why? Well, apparently, the general idea that some people have, whether it be OkCupid or Satoshi Kanazawa, is that Black women (and Asian men) are…wholly unattractive….to everybody.   Not only are we supposedly unattractive, or perhaps because of it, we are also unmarriageable.

Never mind the possible reasons why so many people have been dedicating their time and energy to putting us in our place…or reminding us of where they think we should be.

Never mind the fact that OkCupid overtly suggests to its Black users (particularly female) that they should add some “whiteness” to their profile to make it more appealing, because “[a]dding ‘whiteness’ always helps your rating! In fact it goes a long way towards undoing any bias against you.”

I imagine that OkCupid thinks this some sort of positive strategy. Let’s now all jump for joy! Woo hoo! It’s great faking to be White! Yay!…Not.

This brings me back to my OkCupid experience.

Image found: http://mommynoire.com

I make it pretty clear on my profile that I’m not really looking for a romantic relationship, just new friends and perhaps an online pen-pal or two from some culture in which I take interest (eg. Japanese and German).

I also make it pretty clear that I have zero interest in being exoticized and ask kindly to be bypassed if it is the case that the person is looking for their next “Black” conquest or “African” goddess or are obsessed by the “darkness” of my skin.

Of course, all of my warnings mean very little to the significant number of mostly Italian men who enjoy creeping on my profile, sending me messages in both Italian and broken English that add up to be the same thing:  how soon can they put their penis in my vagina.

The point is this: online dating, regardless of who (race/ethnicity/sexual orientation/etc.) you are as a woman, is no walk in the park.  

Of course, there are great people out there, who will contact you in a respectful manner.  However, there is a pretty hefty number out there who simply want to know just how good your “big lips” feel on their nether regions. 😉

Until Next Time,

D.

Remember to follow your path by trusting your instincts.

 

FMS | Fibromyalgia Can Make You a Weather Psychic

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Image found: http://thefibrodoctor.com/does-the-weather-affect-your-fibromyalgia-symptom/ (Image links directly to article).

All right, I have decided to admit it:  fibromyalgia has made me a weather psychic.  

I am being absolutely serious here.  Having fibromyalgia has meant not needing to consult the weather report.  I know what the weather will be like the next day based upon changes in my FMS symptoms the day before. It’s that simple.

Although there is no specific reason found, the fact is that people who suffer chronic pain are able to sense changes in the weather before these changes are perceptible to others.  Some explanation by way of changes in air pressure. According to David Borenstein, MD, FACP, FACR, a rheumatologist and past president of the American College of Rheumatology, barometric pressure (weight of atmosphere that surrounds us) is likely what affects people the most, particularly people with chronic pain because “sometimes nerves can become more sensitized because of injury, inflammation, scarring or adhesions.”

Image found: http://blackwomenmillionairesevent.com

Q: Okay, I can predict the weather.  The symptoms still suck, so what can I do?

Well, according to the linked WebMD article above, there are measures that you can take to help you with dealing with the weather changes:

  • Stay warm (to help ease pain in cold weather)
  • Try to prevent swelling (if that is an issue for you)
  • Keep moving (even if it’s the last thing you want to do)
  • Improve your mood (while the changes can feel unpredictable and can make you nervous, you do have control over how you respond to these changes.  Work on smiling.  I do. Every day).
  • Realize that the pain is temporary (of course, temporary may be a while, but it is still temporary, so keep smiling).
  • Don’t give up (This is my added thing. Look for the positive in the moment).

Image found: http://msbmore.wordpress.com/ (Check out fellow blogger: Ms. B. More!

Q: I was newly diagnosed/ I’m not sure if I get it–I don’t have arthritis or any old injuries.

If you have been recently diagnosed, then welcome.  It’s good to know that it’s not you and you’re not crazy. If you don’t get it for whatever reason, then this may be why:

  • You’ve not had the chance to track your symptom patterns on multiple levels.

What I mean is that when you are first dealing with FMS symptoms, they can be overwhelming and seem inexplicable.  You may just want to end the pain or get sleep or stop feeling nauseous or be migraine-free, etc.

You may not think about all the factors that may be contributing to your symptoms being more or less aggravated, such as food, activity level, vitamin deficiencies, allergies, recurrent exposure to stress (work/relationships/news/travel), weather and other environmental factors, etc.

Fibromyalgia symptoms are unique to the individual, which is why I think it can take some time to understand just what is affecting you how, and then what to do about it.

Changes in the weather/season, however, is something that many people with FMS have recognized as a contributor to increased symptoms.  These changes can mean:

  • Change in Sleep Cycle
  • Change in Circadian Rhythm
  • Pro-inflammatory Cytokines

For more detailed information on these changes and the specific types of weather changes that can aggravate symptoms and lead to flares, read “Does the Weather Affect Your Fibromyalgia Symptoms” by Dr. Rodger Murphee at TheFibroDoctor.com

 

Believe it or not, predicting the weather is really just your body giving you a warning sign.  It’s letting you know CLEARLY that you are potentially heading into a period of flares, so it is best to take preventative actions.  That’s all there is to it, at least in my book.

Learn to enjoy your psychic ability, disturb your friends with your accuracy, bring it out as a conversation starter or a topic changer…Whatever you do, smile about it, laugh about it, be with it.

It’s your body, you must live in it.  So, live happily as you walk your path.

Until Next Time,

D.

 

P.S.  ATR Challenge (Day 25):  What is right is my taking the time that I need, my accepting the support I receive, and my smiling through both pain and joy.

 

 

ATR Challenge Days 15 & 16

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Image found: http://www.flickr.com

Once we open our eyes to a new day, let us not forget that, from that moment forward, we have choice.

We have choice in how we experience ourselves and our world. We have choice to hold on or to let go of that which burdens us.

Recognising that free will exists is what is right every day. Free will means the choice to walk our paths as we desire, to experience life as we wish, to love ourselves and others openly and unconditionally.

Today, I have woken up to the wonders of the mind, to how quickly a single thought can change an entire outlook, to how a single action can be a blessing for the day, to how consistent gratitude can reshape the heart and free the mind.

What about you?  How have you woken to see the world today? What have acknowledge to be right in your life? And for what are you grateful?   

FMS | Yoga in Bed & ATR Challenge Update!

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Image found: http://blackyogis.tumblr.com/

I have been a seeker and I still am, but I stopped asking the books and the stars. I started listening to the teaching of my Soul. ~ by Rumi 

Today, the yoga mat looks too far away–to be honest, for two days I denied the existence of my mat…What mat?–and I don’t know that I feel like excessive movement is an option for me today, much like yesterday and the day before that.

Still, I am into opposite action, so I unroll the mat.  Like the walls and most everything else in my room, the mat is  pink, a nice loving colour, and I need some unconditional love right about now.

Image found: http://blackyogis.tumblr.com/

Fun fact: I’ve practiced yoga since the age of 3

I take a moment just to be in tadasana, listening to and regulating my breathing while centering my core.  Today, given my level of pain and fatigue, I will only do a modified Surya Namaskara or Sun Salutation–slowly.

—-

 

So, Why Yoga? And How Does FMS Fit into All of This?  

As I’ve mentioned in an earlier post, yoga is extremely useful for people who suffer from chronic illnesses, which would include fibromyalgia.

Just search online for yoga and fibromyalgia and you will see the many sites that have dedicated a page or two to discuss the benefits of yoga.  One of the first is a 2010 article by WebMD that discusses a study done on yoga and women with fibromyalgia.  Here is an excerpt:

Women with fibromyalgia can reduce symptoms of the disease and improve their function by practicing the mind-body techniques of yoga, a new study says.

Researchers in Oregon who enrolled 53 women aged 21 or older for the study say that women who participated in a “Yoga of Awareness” health program showed significantly greater improvement infibromyalgia symptoms…

Women in the “Yoga of Awareness” class participated for eight weeks in a program of instruction and exercise.

Classes included 40 minutes of gentle stretching poses, 25 minutes of meditation, 10 minutes of breathing techniques, 20 minutes of teaching presentations on using yoga principles for coping, and 25 minutes of group discussions, in which participants talked about practicing yoga in their homes.

Image found: http://blackyogis.tumblr.com/

So, What Can You Do?

Well, I always believe in meeting yourself where you are.

  • Locate and Assess your level of pain.  What and how much you can do depends upon your understanding of where and how severe your pain is.
  • Ask yourself lots of  questions, like “Can I  leave the house? Can I get out of bed?”
  • Depending on your answer, use the yoga resource that is most beneficial to you.  If you can go to a recommended class, then go.  If you cannot, YouTube and Amazon.com could serve as potential resources–of course, use your own judgement to decide what practice is safest for you to do.    

 

Below is an example of a resource that may be useful for you if you are experiencing low mobility, i.e. getting out of bed is not an option.  It is the Yoga in Bed Morning Stretch Series; there are 6 videos durations ranging between 6-11 minutes.

Good luck!

—-

ATR Challenge Update: Days 12 & 13

Wow, it continues! 🙂  Yesterday, I was unable to do much of anything, but I think I have already made up for it today.

So, What is right in my life?

Increasing Self-Love |Improving Self-Efficacy | Believing in Self-Worth

Connecting with the New| Reconnecting with the Old | Externalizing Love

Extending Help | Breathing Sunshine | Sleeping to Rain

Watching Cartoons | Laughing with my Child-Self | Laughing with my Pain

Laughing with my Hope | Laughing with my Sincerity | Laughing with my Life

Discovering Happiness | Enjoying Happiness | Accepting Sadness

Comforting Anger | Welcoming Mindfulness | Welcoming Internal Peace

Welcoming solitude | Welcoming togetherness | Welcoming Simplicity in

Everyone | Everything.

—-

In essence, it’s all good, because I believe and know it is–even if I’m stuck in bed. 😉

Until Next Time,

D.

FMS | The Moments You Love to Hate: How to Deal with Flare-ups Before & After They Happen

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Image found: http://everydayfeminism.com

This picture is a summary of my present state.

(Forgive any typographical errors below. I am tired.)

There is a reason fibromyalgia is considered an invisible illness.  If you were to meet me in my everyday life, more than likely it would not be evident to you that I have an illness. Actually, usually when I feel my worst, I tend to dress my best–lots of colourful pretty dresses–and so it has been for the past two days.

I am in the midst of a flare-up.  I cannot say that it was sudden or unexpected or something like that.  I’ve been running myself a bit ragged, and having started classes again means that I am outside every single day…which is never a good thing for me given my immune system.

Still, I am far from saddened by this development, because I was already expecting it to happen, which is winning half of the battle.  The other half is taking precautions. Sure, you may not be able to stop a flare-up, but you can make an effort to diminish its impact on your life.

Image found: http://nickdeck.com

So, what do I do when I recognize I am going to have  a flare-up?

  • Pare back on everything that is unessential – If I don’t have to do it, then it remains on the back-burner until I can.
  • Start consuming even more fresh fruits/veggies and water – I try rid myself of anything that may be adding to internal discomfort.
  • Put myself on a schedule – Given that fibro fog can be a way of my life, I already know that I am going to be more forgetful and less able to concentrate. So, writing everything down that needs to be done for the day is one way to help me keep on track.
  • Disregard my sleeping schedule/ Sleep when possible & necessary – Wait…what?  How does that make sense?  Well, because I already know that I am heading into a moment of high insomnia, it makes little sense for me to stress about whether or not I am sleeping when I am suppose to be sleeping.  To me, there is a lot more stress to be had from worrying about sleeping than simply accepting the fact that I may not sleep.  I cut stress wherever I can: internally and externally.
  • Walk & stretch/ Generally increase activity level – It may seem counterintuitive. However, walking and stretching (increased activity) helps me to diminish the pain experienced daily.
  • Practice Opposite Action— As a dialectical behavior therapy advocate, I use the skills of this approach in my daily life.  Opposite Action or Opposite to Emotion Action is exactly what it sounds like…doing the opposite of what you feel. For example, if I were feeling angry, then I would engage in actions that were opposite/opposing anger, such as smiling or watching a comedy.  With fibromyalgia, it means that I make an attempt to do exactly what I think/feel I cannot. Writing this post is an example of Opposite Action.

 

Truly, however, there is no right path to take in dealing with your FMS flare-up.  

You have do what works for you and what feels best to you.

Check out this article by FM Net News: “Hurdling the Impact of Painful Flares”

Until Next Time,

D.

Update:

ATR Challenge Day 11 – Doing what I can (is what’s right in my life). 🙂

Many, Many Thanks to My New Followers!

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Image found: http://happyblackwoman.com

It’s one of those hazy Roman September mornings: the kind that isn’t so hot that you feel like your only option is to remain indoors, fixed permanently in your bed or under your shower.  Still, it is the kind that makes you a bit lazy about getting up or even bothering with finding mental clarity.

Rome, on these kinds of days, becomes a centrifugal blend of noises: the distinct songs of cicadas, the cobblestone scraping of straw brooms, the random knock of a hammer, the friendly greetings of neighbours, the midday ring of the church bells and the frustrated blares of traffic.  It’s that kind of morning.

Leaves stand still, birds have gone incognito, laundry dries on clotheslines, and there isn’t a soul in sight–even if voices can be heard in between the sadness of moving sirens.

I’ve woken–sort of–to this kind of day: depleted of energy and bogged down in thoughts.

Go through the routine: meditate, stretch (on bed, too tired to stand), effectively putz around room and find: necessary papers, missing perfume bottle, a collection of hairpins, and worn out fortunes from the local Japanese/Chinese restaurant that has yet to reopen since the start of summer and is “Chiuso per Ferie,” feel pleased that the room has been swept, books have been stacked, and mind has woken just a bit more.

I take a look at my computer: glance at Facebook, post something personal and then professional; think about email and decide to avoid it for now; visit school/work blog and then personal, and find myself at this moment of…

Gratitude.

Thank you to my new followers for taking a chance on supporting my blog.  Thank you to my old followers for your continued support.  Thank you to my visitors for acknowledging my presence.

All of you have made this hazy day much less hazy–

You let me know that I continue to take the right steps on my path.

Until Next Time,

D.

P.S.

Interested in the Gratitude Journal in the image above?

Visit Rosetta Thurman’s Happy Black Woman for more details.

P.P.S.

ATR Challenge Day 10: Getting up & Getting Grateful! Thanks! 😀

 

ATR Challenge: Day 7 & Rilke’s “Live the Questions”

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Where Has The Time Gone

My face today. 🙂

Just a brief note to check-in about the Challenge. All is well.  The things for which I am grateful and consider right are the new relationships that I am developing and the new habits that I am forming.

For the most part, what is right is my simple state of being: in myself, in the moment, in connection with others.

Some Words of Encouragement

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

Until Next Time,

D.

FMS | Was it Chickenpox? ( Article: Is Herpes Virus Connected to Fibromyalgia?)

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Image found: http://krnb.com/

Seriously, now.

Another balmy Saturday. Me? Glued to computer screen with fingers on auto-type while my mind wonders about what fruit will be available in the rapidly depleting fruit section of my local supermarket.

In between finger taps, the consistent yappage of my neighbour’s invisible dog, and my acknowledgements that the world isn’t so bad after all, a random thought comes to mind. Well, not really a thought, but a memory; one that I thought was pretty useless…until now [cue dramatic suspense music here].

Picture it, me at 16 and in my last semester of high school…confined to my bed because of the chickenpox.

Image found: http://madamnoire.com

Yes, I know.  Chickenpox is something you get as a kid, not as a teenager when everything is all about image–actually, I didn’t really care, but still–and the sight of a pimple can send even the most popular of cheerleaders into a moment of panic.

But that was soooo long ago.

It’s one of many memories I shoved far into the black hole of my mind, so much so that even when I see the resulting scars on my face, I don’t register them as having anything to do with chickenpox.  It’s my defense mechanism checkmate, especially because I am into denial and apparently amazingly good at suppression.

Let’s get back to this moment though, where I am sitting on my bed and typing this post that I’d like to be less than 300 words.

For whatever reason, the words chickenpox and fibromyalgia flashed across my mind and thus my auto-typing fingers tapped them right into Google search and hit the Enter button.

The result?

Well, it seems that a lot of people have been wondering about the relationship between chickenpox and fibromyalgia, although there doesn’t seem to be a great deal of research about it.

Still, it might help to check out the links below to understand why some are wondering:

Is Herpes Virus Connected to Fibromyalgia?

Virus Related to Fibromyalgia?

FMS | ATR Challenge: Day 5 (Back to School/Back to Illness)

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Image Found: http://fibromyalgia-fairy.tumblr.com/

I was expecting it.  After all, it was bound to happen.  Three days into the first week of classes, it hits me hard: a cold.

Okay, for the average person, a cold is not such a big deal. If you live with fibromyalgia, however, a cold can turn your world upside down…at least, it can mine.

Already you have to deal with the usual symptoms (pain/nausea/fibro-fog/fatigue/etc.), now imagine adding on the stress of having a cold, which only exacerbates the symptoms you normally have while adding a couple more???! Seriously, it’s no fun.

The point is that yesterday I found myself feverish, anxious because I was feverish, nauseous because I am often nauseous but also because of being ill, alert because I was anxious because I was feverish and nauseous.  It’s brutal.

So, what did I do to counter this situation?

Image Found: http://babyguardian.wordpress.com

I headed over to the Mayo Clinic’s website to look up information on the common cold and how to treat it.  Of course, most of what was there was common sense:

  • Pain Relievers (have it, but don’t want to use it–I try to keep it natural)
  • Decongestant Nasal Sprays (have it, but don’t want to use it–I try to keep it natural)
  • Cough Syrups (don’t have it and probably wouldn’t use it–I try to keep it natural)
  • Drink lots of fluids (I drink about 2 litres of water every day)
  • Try chicken soup (I am vegetarian/vegan almost)
  • Get some rest (I suffer from insomnia a lot, so who knows)
  • Adjust your room’s temperature and humidity (Rome in September–I turned off the fan)
  • Soothe your throat (I’ve got water and salt for gargling)
  • Use saline nasal drops (don’t have it and probably wouldn’t use it–I try to keep it natural)

So, this what I did: made some lemon/honey tea, drank water, had something hot to eat (rice with vegetables), ate some fruit, tried to rest, turned off my fan and gargled with salt water.

Did it work?  

Image Found: http://frugivoremag.com/

Well, I am feeling a heck of a lot better this morning, except for the migraine concentrating itself over my right eye.

Either way, I feel good enough to head out to my class in the afternoon–and that’s the most important thing for today.

So, what was right yesterday?

Many things: 🙂

  • I woke up and did my daily meditation/stretches
  • I worked, read, wrote, and knitted som
  • I went to class and participated fully
  • I recognised and fully acknowledged that I was getting a cold
  • I did my best to prevent the cold from persisting
  • I took it easy and reminded myself that I was trying my best.

Image Found: http://holisticebony.com

Remember: Do You!

A while back, I posted about the following article on going to school and managing fibromyalgia symptoms as well as asking for accommodation by Kristen Stewart on EverydayHealth.com: Succeeding at School with Fibromyalgia.  It’s worth taking a look at again, if you have already, and if you haven’t, then take a look now.

——-

Each day I try to remind myself that my path is unique and cannot be walked by anyone else and cannot be compared to anyone else’s.  

Walking it may not always be easy, but it is always worthwhile.

 Until Next Time,

D.

FMS | ATR Challenge: Day 4

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Image Found: http://yogainternational.com

Is it Day 4 already???!! 

Four days may not seem like much to celebrate, but given my goal of sticktoitiveness, I am super glad that I have stuck to it, i.e. both the meditation/prayer challenge (Day 26) and the Acknowledge the Right Challenge (Day 4).

The happiness is also because, as a person with fibromyalgia, I find myself often in a position where I have to give up the things that I want to do or am doing.  So, any progress made, however small, in showing myself that I can do/have it must be acknowledged.

As to what was right yesterday? Well, many things:

  • I got up (despite the weather, aches and pains, and general lack of sleep)
  • I did my daily meditation/prayer and stretches
  • I went to class and met new people, and feel very upbeat about the courses I am taking
  • I met a new friend and spent a good deal of time talking.
  • I got some reading/writing/work done
  • I spoke with my mother, which is always a good thing.

For today, I thought I would leave you with a link to a great Yoga International article on the benefits of yoga for people with fibromyalgia: “The Art of Surrender: Yoga & Fibromyalgia.”

Happy Wednesday!!

&

Remember that making progress on any path

means putting one foot in front of the other!

Until Next Time,

D.