Vlog | Black Women Dating While Living Abroad: Will Italian Men Feed You Pasta?

DatingAfter four years of living in Rome, I’ve learned a bit about dating, especially as a Black woman. In this video, I offer up my thoughts on possible dating experiences that Black women may meet while living abroad, the (ir)relevance of beauty standards, and reasons for travelling abroad, including cultural expectations.

Hope you enjoy it! If you do, please “like” (thumbs up) the video. Thanks!

 

October Was “Talk About Your Medicines” Month! It’s The Final Day, So I’m Talking

ARC_Talk_About_Meds_Banner_Diedre

About a week ago, I was contacted by the Community Awareness Coordinator of The American Recall Center. From this contact, I learned something about the month of October that I had I never imagined existed: Talk About Your Medicines Month.

Medication Awareness Spolight: Xarelto (Click to Learn More)

Image Found: Black Press USA, http://www.blackpressusa.com. Click for article on migraine.

Discussing medications is one of those topics that, unfortunately, may be deemed taboo.  Although a whopping 70% of Americans take prescribed medications, making this fact known may leave one feeling stigmatized and may even repercussions, particularly there is a bias for those who take medication due to mental health issues.  A recent study in the UK “revealed that 94 per cent of UK leaders admit prejudice against sufferers remains an issue in their organization.”  The research also indicated that “a third of business leaders think that employees with mental health illness will fail to return to full productivity…they labeled these staff members as unpredictable, weak and erratic.”

From my own limited observations, I have seen people engage in a dichotomous categorization of illness:  “good illnesses” (e.g. cancer) that are worthy of sympathy, and “bad illnesses” (e.g. bipolar disorder) that are unworthy of sympathy.  Anyway, I could go on about this forever.

The point of this piece is for me to talk about my medications.

Image From NJ Family: Article “Help the Medicine Go Down.” Click to read.

 

To the tell truth, I have hated taking any form of medication since childhood.  I hate it now.  Still, I have to do it, i.e., if I want to live my life more fully. That’s the simple fact.  The medications I take are two: bupoprion and aldactone.  The buproprion is for symptoms related to my fibromyalgia, while the aldactone is for high blood pressure.  Other than that I take a multivitamin and call it a day.  In the interest of length, I discuss only buproprion, especially as it is more relevant to the main theme of my blog, i.e. fibromyalgia care.

 

Buproprion

Just so we are clear, buproprion is the generic name for the well-known medication Wellbutrin; and it is a commonly prescribed medication in the treatment of fibromyalgia–perhaps not as common as Cymbalta (duloxetine hydrochloride).

Buproprion, an atypical antidepressant, was prescribed for me because I am sensitive to more typical antidepressant medications like Cymbalta. Buproprion works to alleviate issues with fibro-fog and fatigue, also it helps me with seasonal affective disorder (S.A.D.).

Although taking buproprion has been an overall positive experience, it is important to consider the side effects that a medication can have.  In the case of buproprion, it can cause “agitation, dry mouth, insomnia, headache, nausea, constipation, and tremor…Seizures also occur, especially at higher doses.”

Do experience some or all or none of the side effects?  Well, I would say that I experience some, in particular dry mouth and insomnia.  The insomnia can be highly problematic, and it is still something I am working to fully resolve.  The dry mouth is less problematic, so that I am okay with letting it be.

In essence, for me, the benefits associated with taking buproprion far outweigh the drawbacks experienced as side effects.

Image From Essence Magazine: Article “Why Talking to Your Doctor is the Best Medicine.” Click to read.

What You May Need to Consider:

With any medication, its interaction with your body is unique.  Thus, what I have stated in this post is particular to me, and may not be right for you.

It is important to create an ongoing dialogue with your healthcare provider.  While living in Italy, I have been fortunate to have access to medical support and have a weekly check-in that helps me to keep on track.

For the most part, I see my illness as stable and with a somewhat recognizable pattern.  Still, I make certain that I keep track of how both my body and mind are functioning.   

It is important to remember to take your medication.  I take all my medications at the same time.  That was something I considered and always consider when agreeing to take a medication–taking all of my medications at the same time allows me to create an easy and maintainable pattern. Do whatever you know has helped you in the past to create a routine.

 

Most importantly, remember that you are in charge of your body–no one else.  How your body is cared for is in your hands, and so you must take all precautions necessary to ensure that whatever you do to it is in its best interest.  Don’t leave the decisions solely up to your doctors.  Research the recommended medications, consider your lifestyle, and outline a health goal that indicates how the recommended medications will enable you to achieve it.

The path to health is not always linear.  With enough planning, however, the journey can be a smooth one.

Happy Halloween!  Until Next Time,

D. 

Relationships | Black, Female & Dating…Or Trying To? According to the Statistics, Why Bother?

Disclaimer:  All images used in this post are from the “Black Voices at Harvard Share Their Experiences with Racism” by Rebelle Magazine. The images are a part of the “I Am, Too, Harvard” campaign, revealing the experiences faced by Black students at Harvard.

Please, visit both Rebelle Magazine and the campaign sites by clicking on the highlighted links! By the way, almost all of the pictures relate to my experience while at Stanford–I hope the students there will do something like this as well.

Also, I use the word “we” often, not to say all Black women are in agreement with me, but to express my solidarity with those who do have shared similar views.

 

 Now, on to the post!

Image from Rebelle Mag: Black Voices at Harvard Share Their Experiences with Racism

 

Today, I came across the 2011 article “Why black women are justifiably bitter: The bleak relationship picture for African-American females” today.  While the article was far from shocking, it really laid out in a clear and undeniable manner the reality that many Black women face in trying to make gains in the dating market.  

Plus, the article was far more favourable than the now-withdrawn 2011 Psychology Today “Why Black Women Are Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women” (links to a Psychology Today rebuttal of the argument).

The article follows on the 2009 blog post by OkCupid, “How Your Race Affects the Messages You Get,” that indicates that Black women were, for the most part, shut out of the online dating world, being the users who sent the most messages while receiving the least replies.  Black women were also the most likely to respond to messages.  Black men as well as other races, OkCupid’s statics showed, do not consider Black women as relationship material.

Feeling depressed yet?

Image from Rebelle Mag: Black Voices at Harvard Share Their Experiences with Racism

Well, it gets worse.  It follows that if Black women are not considered relationship material, then surely marriage is out of the question.  That is where the article comes in and eloquently explains why Black women have every right to be angry/bitter in general.  Because although we are not considered for marriage, we are surely considered for sex.  As the article points out that “7 in 10 black children are born to unmarried parents.”

Oh?  Really?

I am not surprised given the dating statistics. Of course, given the grim statistics on incarceration and African-American men, it makes sense that marriage would seem unlikely.  Nothing wrong with having had a bad moment in life and having had to go to jail/prison, but it does make getting married more problematic.

Image from Rebelle Magazine: Black Voices at Harvard Share Their Experiences with Racism

So, why I am writing about this?

Well, because I am frankly tired of reading the negative online commentary about Black women, whether it is about our hair, our skin colour, or weight, or our strength of character and fearlessness (a.k.a. our masculinity).

Men who have a problem with strong women, ought to avoid dating Black women, in my opinion.  Black women are not raised to be cowed by anyone.  We understand clearly where the dominant society has decided to relegate us and how some (apparently a majority) of our male counterparts view us.  (Let me not get into this statement: “black men who, according to social science data, are more likely than any other group of men to maintain relationships with multiple women.”)

 

Image from Rebelle Magazine: Black Voices at Harvard Share Their Experiences with Racism

We understand clearly that a good portion of our male counterparts are eager to mobilize themselves by marrying up and thus marrying light. We get it.  We get it that the kinkier and nappier our hair, the broader our thighs, the bigger our lips, bottoms and hips, the louder our voices, the more likely others will to try to shut us down or shut us up.  We get it.

The thing is…

We don’t give two cents about it.

Image from Rebelle Magazine: Black Voices at Harvard Share Their Experiences with Racism

Unworthy men and women (for our LGBTQ population), please continue to ignore us.  Please, continue not to respond to messages. Trust me, it’s much better this way, because we won’t be wasting our time on you.  And who would want to?  I am beginning to feel really sorry for those who do.

You see, while some people may see Black women as available (sending so many messages) and desperate (responding to so many messages), the fact is some Black women simply won’t do two things:

  1. Wait for permission to say what we want, and
  2. Be impolite to someone just because we don’t like them.

Have you ever thought about that?  Have you thought about the fact that some Black women simply own our sexuality and are polite?

Image from Rebelle Magazine: Black Voices at Harvard Share Their Experiences with Racism

Can people get beyond the need to assign to us the roles of either

  1. the gold-digging concubine or
  2. the food stamp baby-making mammy?

Can we get beyond this already?  

What? No, we can’t? It’s far too important for maintaining the status quo?

Oh, well, forgive me.  I thought it was okay to be seen as human.

Image from Rebelle Magazine: Black Voices at Harvard Share Their Experiences with Racism

Of course, this is all just my personal opinion.