Writing, Fibromyalgia & Building Confidence Byte by Byte

typing on the computer“Just what could you be doing for so long on the computer?”

It was an unexpected question, but it was not surprising, especially coming from my mother. It is true that I spend many hours strapped to my laptop, either clicking the mouse or clacking away at the keyboard every day.

So, just what could I be doing?

The simplest answer would be “Communicating.”

I am communicating with the world around me and with myself.  I am allowing my voice to travel to places where my legs, at the moment, cannot take me.  I am building confidence in my presence in society and my voice.  I am reshaping my identity instead of fighting my reality.

My reality is that of being a person with a chronic illness who, despite her desire for it to be otherwise, cannot rely on her body to function at 100%. For whatever reason, something inside me has become knotted and twisted, broken and weary, and likely will never heal.  That is just the way it is.

Also, it does not help that I currently live in a small town with limited public transportation, and I dislike driving.  Still, living in a small town has its benefits, especially for writing, which is what I have been doing since I returned home.  Moreover, it is forcing me to reach out more and be a part of communities, even if they may only be virtual at the moment.

Although having a chronic illness can be an isolating experience, it does not preclude me from understanding and achieving my goals, one of which is to be a published author and poet.  My illness is forcing me to deal with my worst enemy: myself.

 

 

For most of my life, I have been called an overachiever. I can be obsessive and perfectionistic, but I did not always realize that. I prefer solitude in most aspects of life but am loyal to my associations and make a good team player. My creativity is stifled when I am stressed, and  I am prone to high-level procrastination.  Without structure and goals, I become self-hindering.  In other words, having fibromyalgia has meant dealing with the perceived weaker aspects of my personality.

Fibromyalgia is not just confronting the reality of pain, fatigue, and fibrofog.  It puts center-stage your very self.  And if you happen to have Type A more than B personality, then having fibromyalgia might cause you to feel a bit like Alice falling down the rabbit hole and landing in an unrelenting and even more nightmarish version of Wonderland.

Still, living in surrealism is not so terrible, if you keep hold of yourself and continue to build self-efficacy, which brings me back to spending a seemingly inordinate amount of time in front of my laptop.

Writing, communicating with others, researching and even watching my favourite cartoon or comedy–all of these things are available to me online.  However, the internet has also become my temporary legs to take me to places known and unknown.  Through it, I am able to keep my eyes and my world open.  I can explore different aspects of self and remain (almost) free from judgement.

Ultimately, it reminds me that there is a world beyond my illness, whether that is a fictional world created through storytelling or the real world filtered through a screen. This mishmash of zeros and ones and  bundles of connected wires is allowing me to rebuild myself and to shape my future.

And there is nothing wrong with that. 😉

Until Next Time,

D.

Fibromyalgia: What They Don’t Tell You.

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Even before you have a name for your illness, you know how lousy it makes you feel.  Naming it fibromyalgia does not change much of anything.  You will still be bombarded with more medications to try, more questions to answer, and have days when you imagine that being run over by a bus would feel better.  You get accustomed to the pain, the tiredness, the nausea, the insomnia, the forgetfulness, the isolation, the medications, the questions, and the never-ending worry.  It becomes the lens through which you greet life and life greets you.  There is nothing rose-tinted about this.

During the period when most aspects of life seem to be one giant flurry, your mind may lose track of one certain factor: you have been forever changed.  However you have understood yourself is now, at best, moot.  Of course, this does not have to cause despair. It simply means making adjustments, challenging yourself to seeing you in a new light.

This is what the doctors will likely never tell you.  This is what loved ones may not understand.  This is what you could struggle to accept. You will never be the you you once knew.

Fibromyalgia is an illness that takes.  Yet still, even as it takes, it gives. What the doctors may never tell you is that it is your job to discover what fibromyalgia gives. It is your job to learn how fibromyaglia helps you to grow as an individual, how it gives you the opportunity to understand the world around in new ways.

I have met women who believe that fibromyalgia is a sort of death sentence.  I have even met women who see it as their ticket to receiving permanent care from others. Personally, I cannot fathom living like that.  Fibromyalgia is but one aspect of who I am.  It does not define me.  Do not let it define you.

Until Next Time,

D.

Overcoming Fibromyalgia

 

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Found via Google image search.

Over the years, I have found that physical illness involves three aspects of self: body, mind, and emotion.  It is not  just about the body healing itself.  It is also about the health of the ongoing dialogue that occurs between the body  and the mind, and the resulting emotions.  Of course, the body heals in its own time, but our thoughts can also assist in how healthy we perceive ourselves to be and ultimately are.  This is what might considered as “thinking our way to good health.” Visualizing a healthier version of ourselves can do wonders to begin or continue the process of actual healing.  However, the reverse is also quite true.  Beyond whatever factual illness we may have, our minds can contribute a hefty dose of additional symptoms, with which we must also contend.  Some might refer to such occurrences as psychosomatic symptoms.  For example, depression is not just something that impacts the mind.  It impacts the body’s ability to function effectively as well.  Depression is associated with physical symptoms, such as chest pains, fatigue, muscle and joint aches, digestive issues, headaches, weight loss and gain, and even back pain.  Add to that sleep disturbances and sexual problems, it might seem as though I have been describing fibromyalgia because the symptoms are quite similar.  These physical symptoms of depression are temporary, however, while fibromyalgia symptoms are chronic.

For a long time, the general consensus among doctors was that fibromyalgia was all in the mind, that it was merely psychosomatic, that it was not real.  Although there are still some who maintain disbelief, research has shown that fibromyalgia, the second most common rheumatoid disorder, is “now considered to be a lifelong central nervous system disorder, which is responsible for amplified pain that shoots through the body of those who suffer from it.”  Fibromyalgia is not something that you can just think away. No amount of visualization will permanently remove the impact that fibromyalgia can have on its sufferers.  That is the reality.

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The Broken Column, 1944 by Frida Kahlo. Image from noijam.com, found via GIS.

As the illness progresses, daily life can feel quite surreal. Perhaps you felt great yesterday, but today you feel as though you are broken in many places.  It may feel that there is no way to hold yourself together.  It is not just the pain that hurts.  It is ever-increasing isolation, diminishing self-sufficiency, and the loss of words that comes with the fog that overtakes the mind.  It is also the ongoing disappointment as you begin saying “no” to work, loved ones, and even yourself.  Having fibromyalgia means being broken, being scattered into tiny fragments of self that you try each to recover and bind together

S0, how does one overcome this?

Until there is a definitive cure found by medical experiences, there is no way to overcome fibromyalgia.  At least, not in the sense of the illness ending.

Instead, see overcoming fibromyalgia as a daily process.  For example, on days when you wake up to a flare, challenge yourself to do more than you think you can–perhaps that might be sitting up in bed, or talking to a friend on the phone.  On days when you feel great, challenge yourself to do less than you think you should–perhaps that might be leaving work on time or a little early (if you are still working), instead of staying late because you are trying to make up for lost time.  This is basically opposite to emotion action, a DBT skill that asks practitioners to 1) acknowledge and allow for their emotional state, and 2) act in the opposite manner than their emotional urge would prefer. For example, if you are angry and your emotional urge is to hit someone, opposite to emotion action would have you choose an action that is opposite to your emotional urge, so perhaps hug someone.


When we allow ourselves (mind, body, emotions) to give into illness, we allow for that illness to have enormous control over how we experience life.  Yes, you may feel ill today, but instead of focusing on feeling physically ill, try focusing your mind on what can you can do (in spite of your illness).  Contrarily, you may feel physically great today, but instead of focusing on feeling great, try focusing your mind on what you can do to ensure that you feel better tomorrow (this may mean holding yourself back a bit).

 

If we acknowledge our limitations and challenge our thinking, then this may be helpful in avoiding compounding our physical illness with our emotions.  Depression can be resulting factor of chronic illness.  For those of us living with fibromyalgia, learning how to cope with feelings of depression is vital to our survival.  Thus, finding ways to celebrate ourselves and the steps we take to feel better is key. Every day try doing to following (in no particular order):

  • Create an action plan (a.k.a. To Do List) based on your current physical state
  • Journal about your physical symptoms and your emotional state
  • Exercise in whatever way possible, whether that is doing a light stretch or going for a walk.
  • Eat well. Avoid foods that exacerbate symptoms.
  • Talk to someone, whether in-person, on the phone, or online.
  • Smile for no reason. Trust me, it helps.
  • Be mindful in each moment. Be aware of your thoughts and how your thoughts are influencing your emotions and actions.
  • Pay attention to the calendar. Know the month and day you are in.  It is very easy to lose track of time.
  • Set long-term achievable goals (but challenge yourself).  What is it that you believe you can no longer do/achieve because of fibromyaglia? Try to find ways to modify what you wanted to do so that it accommodates your illness.
  • Feed your spirit.  This does not mean join a religion. Do something to help others.

There is no guarantee that the above will work for you.  These are just the steps that I have found helpful along the way.  Yes, every day, I find that fibromyalgia diminishes some aspect of me.  Sometimes it is very difficult to see the positives in each moment. Still, if I do not try to make my reality better for me, then who will?

I hope these words offer comfort to anyone who is having a hard time today.

Until Next Time,

D.

 

 

Three Days Grace + One Song = Instant Catharsis?

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Three Days Grace

Can someone explain to me how one song can undo a good decade of indifference to the rock scene?? Yes, I’m really going to talk about music in this post.  Sort of.

First, let me be quite clear: I’ve been listening to this one song on repeat for a good 24 hours. Yes, I’ve got it bad for a song, bad enough to write this post, and equally bad enough that I’ve even been revisiting my adolescent self with new eyes, seeing her with more compassion, and relating to her distress and internalized rage.

It’s music therapy…rock-style.

To say that these past 14 months have been a roller coaster ride would be an understatement:  I’ve moved approximately 6 times, graduated from university, resigned from a job, had family emergencies on an international level, gained twenty pounds, watched my health deteriorate further, and entered into a pretty severe depression (that I’m only coming to fully acknowledge now).

It’s been a long and ridiculously heavy period.

My life’s been the kind of heaviness that is embodied in the driving guitar riffs and heavy drumbeats of the song “I Am Machine” by Canadian rock band Three Days Grace, from their fifth album Human that was apparently released in March 2015 (the song was released in late 2014).  I had heard the song play on the radio station WJRR a few times over the past month and had abstractly connected with the sound of it.  Yesterday, however, was the first time I really listened to the lyrics.

And, oh boy, the lyrics…

In the first verse, lead singer Matt Walst (who also fronts the Canadian rock band My Darkest Days) sings:

Here’s to being human
All the pain and suffering
There’s beauty in the bleeding
At least you feel something

I wish I knew what it was like
To care enough to carry on
I wish I knew what it was like
To find a place where I belong, but…

Listening to and reading these lyrics hit me hard, but I didn’t quite understand why until I listened to the chorus, in which he sings:

I am machine
I never sleep
I keep my eyes wide open
I am machine
A part of me
Wishes I could just feel something

I am machine
I never sleep
Until I fix what’s broken
I am machine
A part of me
Wishes I could just feel something

I shan’t post the remaining lyrics. You can find them on Google Play. I think the first verse and chorus are satisfactory for illustrating what opened my eyes to a truth that I’ve been ignoring for some time:

I am machine…

I hadn’t realized that I had stuffed down and shutdown whatever emotions I felt threatened the little stability I was managing to maintain.  Of course, the emotions have become somaticized: weighing down my body, and taking away even what little precious sleep I used to manage to get.  I think the lyrics “I never sleep, I keep my eyes wide open” and “I never sleep until I fix what’s broken” sum up the situation quite clearly.

Yes, some part of me broke last year to the point where it has become quite numb, cold to the outside world, empty and devoid of life. It’s the part of me that is telling me quite clearly that it “wishes I could just feel something.”

You see, at some point, the things I had been experiencing were filled with too much “pain and suffering”–truly much more than I could handle–and as a result I shutdown through repression and intellectualization.  They are two self-defense mechanisms (among others) I know well and have employed since childhood. One would think given my education and profession that I would have found better methods of coping–and I do have better methods, and I did employ those first. However, it’s when we run of the best tricks in our bag that we engage our last resort: our oldest tricks, the maladaptive ones, that ensured self-preservation in the face of our gravest moments in childhood while sabotaging our adult selves.

Back to the song.

The second half of the first verse expresses the thoughts (however dark) that have gone through my mind throughout this period: “I wish I knew what it was like to care enough to carry on” and “I wish I knew what it was like to find a place where I belong.” Quite dark stuff, right?

I felt myself entering into a void, trapped between nothingness and more nothingness, emptied of all feelings, thoughts, and sense of purpose.  Yes, it was that harsh. It still is.

Of course, now that I realize where I have been and am, I can do something about it. I can mourn my losses: friends, home and purpose I found living in Rome. It’s the place where I learned to smile, learned to hug, learned that I had people who would be there to support me whenever I felt broken and in tears. I guess, you could say that I had found and felt my most “human” self there.

It’s a sad revelation, but a necessary one. Still, enough words for one post .:)

If you like rock, then watch the official video for “I Am Machine” below.

Until Next Time,

D.

Support the band, buy the album! 

Valentine’s Day–What Is It Again?

DSC_0030I’m lucky–I’ve always dated people whose birthdays were close to Valentine’s Day.  Even better, I married someone whose birthday was on Valentine’s Day itself.

Of course, I didn’t always realize my luck.

But first, let’s have a Sophia Petrillo moment, and “picture it”:

Valentine’s Day, 2014, a not-so-little Indian restaurant in the heart of Rome’s Monti district, a solitary woman dressed in bright colours walks in and asks for a table–alone.  Already the front room is crowded with couples, but there is one table tucked away in a corner where the woman can sit…completely observed.  It’s perhaps not the strangest sight that the diners will see for the night, but it’s definitely contrary to what’s expected.  Where’s her date? or Is she waiting for someone? or Has she been stood up? they might wonder.  Nope. She’s there on her own, taking herself out for Valentine’s Day.

—-

Of course, I’m not the only one who does this. I’m sure many people do, regardless of gender/sex.  It’s just not what others apparently expect.  What they seem to expect is that you ought to be at home, complaining to fellow single friends about your single status, drinking your sad singleness away, pining after an old lover or unrequited love, shoving a ton of chocolate down your throat, and then chasing it with a tub of your favourite Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream (or gelato if you’re in Italy).  What they don’t seem to expect is that you can celebrate Valentine’s Day all on your own and love doing it.  If you’re single, then help me to disspell that misguided notion.

After all, let’s consider what Valentine’s Day really is: a day dedicated to Saint Valentine of Rome, who was executed just outside the Flaminian Gate on February 14, 269 for refusing to renounce his belief in Christianity.  His feast day is February 14th, hence we celebrate Valentine’s Day.

Moreover, he’s not just about candies and hearts. Saint Valentine is the patron saint of “affianced couples, bee keepers, engaged couples, epilepsy, fainting, greetings, happy marriages, love, lovers, plague, travellers, and young people.” (Catholic.org)

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So, this brings me back to being lucky.  I’ve been lucky because I’ve never really had the thought that Valentine’s Day was something do with my receiving anything (be it candy or flowers).  It was always a day about my remembering someone special to me and showing them my gratitude for their existence.  Being single doesn’t change that.  Valentine’s Day continues to be a day that I remember someone special and that I show gratitude for their existence…it just happens to be me. 😉

This Valentine’s Day, try to remember that it’s a day to:

  1. honour your faith (if you are Christian)
  2. remember a saint (if you are Catholic),
  3. thank the universe for the existence of bees (if you are bee keeper),
  4. ask for relief from suffering (if you have epilepsy or fainting spells or the plague),
  5. pray for a safe journey (if you are a traveller),
  6. embrace your youth (if you consider yourself young),
  7. say hello to people around you (if you are not alone, and if you are, then go find someone to say hi to),
  8. remember that someone has decided to put up with your crap (if you are engaged),
  9. remember that someone has been putting up with your crap for some time now (if you are married),
  10. work on having great sex (if you have a lover),
  11. and love yourself and those around you (if you aren’t already doing it).

So, what will you do this Valentine’s Day?  I know I’m looking forward to going to church (since it falls on a Sunday–lucky!) and thanking the universe for all that I have.  To top it off, I’ll likely have a piece of chocolate, give my mom a hug, make plans to travel in the near future, and wonder about the beauty of bees.

-D.

In the meanwhile, check out this video 🙂

 

Motivation…Oh, Where Did It Go?

Image found on GIS

Image found on GIS

I’m stuck…sort of. It’s the end of August in Rome and I’ve been living through Attack of the Mosquitoes and Sweat World.  The fan I had for two days died. It’s not its fault. It was pretty old.  Still, I need a new one.

My manuscript remains unfinished and I toy with a few stories in my mind. At the same time, I think about getting older and failing to meet external expectations.  I wonder about my internal expectations.  What do I expect of myself?  How do I define that?

It’s hard remaining in that in-between state, that cocoon, like waiting to be born again, except it has nothing to do with Jesus. I’m there, I’ve been there for some time now, and I know I’m getting close to the end of that stage…but it’s terrifying.  It’s terrifying knowing that it’s impossible to go back, or stay where you are, or do anything else other than move forward.

Still, terror can maintain stasis, paralyzing the motivation to either fail or succeed–yes, you can be motivated to fail.  The more we try to push terror away, the more intense it seems to become.

So, I’ve decided to embrace my terror. All aspects of it. The terror of success and of failure that is embodied within.

I’ll have a talk with the twin parts of myself: talent and self-sabotage. I’ll let them know that it’s okay to be terrified.

I’ll let them know…

It’s okay to fail as long as I (we) continue aiming to succeed. 

Until Wednesday,

D.

 

Fibromyalgia | Feeling Stuck? Try These 3 DBT Tips

Image from ThisIsYourConscience.com

Image from ThisIsYourConscience.com

It’s no joke when you wake up to feeling that there is nothing you can do to make your life better. This may be especially so when you have a chronic illness like fibromyalgia.  There are just sometimes when your life seems to be going nowhere and the only thing you have to look forward to is another day of symptom management.  Such moods can pass quickly, i.e. given your temperament and support network.

Still, what if it doesn’t?  What if you continue such negative self-talk and feel unable to break the cycle that you’re in? Well, the outcome surely isn’t going to be of benefit to you, your self-esteem, and achieving your goals.

So, before you get to that point, I wanted to share with you 3 tips from DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) that may get you out your rut.

I’ve discussed DBT in various posts, so I won’t go into full details here. Suffice to say that DBT, developed by Marsha Linehan, is a form of therapy that uses the Buddhist practice of mindfulness and incorporates a cognitive behavioral approach to making positive change in your life.

Of course, there is a great deal more that goes into DBT.  The 3 tips below, however, might just be ticket to making this day one that lives you feeling inspired to do more and experience more in your life.

  • Opposite to Emotion Action – Although one of the last suggested techniques to changing your emotional circumstances, Opposite to Emotion is the first technique I turn to when needing to motivate myself.  Opposite to Emotion (from the Emotion Regulation skill set) asks of you to do the contrary action to your present emotion/thoughtsSo, let’s say that your mood is so low and the last thing you want to do is to take care of yourself.  Well, do exactly the opposite, i.e. take care of yourself. In this case, taking a shower, eating well, taking a walk, etc.

 

  • Nonjudgmental Stance – This is one of the last skills that is learned in the first DBT skill set of Mindfulness.  Taking a Nonjudgmental Stance means taking an objective distance from your present circumstances.  It asks of you to 1) observe your experience nonjudgmentally, i.e. without trying to change them, 2) describe your experience nonjudgementally, i.e. without condemnation or praise, 3) participate in your experience nonjudgementally, i.e. allowing yourself to be wholly involved in whatever you are doing.  I use nonjudgmental stance when I find myself in confusion about the actions or inactions I’ve taken in my life.  I aim to get at the heart and mind of my present circumstances, so that I can better understand how to change them.

 

  • Improve the Moment This is one of the four basic skills learned in the Distress Tolerance skill set.  Simply put, do what you can to make the moment better and not worse.  Focus on decreasing levels of stress and, if possible, removing yourself from the environment that may be contributing negatively to your experience.  This is where techniques such as imagery, finding meaning in the moment, utilizing prayer, practicing relaxation skills, taking a one thing at a time approach, taking a literal vacation from the place, seeking or remembering encouragement. 

 

Individually, each one of these 3 tips works wonders.  However, when put all together, I believe that you may experience even a greater shift.  I would add to the tips helping others.  I find that when I take the time to help someone else, it helps me to feel less stuck and more motivated to experience positive change.

 

Until Next Wednesday,

D.

Fibromyalgia| Life in Chaos? 3 Steps to Creating Routine in Your Life

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Know this Feeling? (Image from GIS)

At this point, if you’ve followed my blog, you’ll know that my life is far from what one might call normal.  Still, it is my reality.  A part of that reality is having to deal with the inconsistency of my chronic illness, i.e., fibromyalgia.  There are some days that I feel great, like I could go run a marathon or two, and there are some days when even the thought of opening an eyelid seems like too much of an effort.

With such fluctuations in one’s daily experience, it can feel hard to create a sense of order to your life.  After all, what’s the point of making plans for the next day you’re never sure how you are actually going to be?

Over the years, I’ve engaged in an internal psychological warfare, trying to force myself to feel better when I don’t, blaming myself for real and imagined shortcomings, and even giving up on myself when I fell short of my expectations.

The path to living peaceably with fibromyalgia is far from smooth. However, over the past year, I’ve been working on letting go of my self-frustrations, allowing myself to feel whatever I feel, and strategizing how to take small steps that move me healthily along my path.

Image from GIS

Learn to Enjoy Life. (Image from GIS)

So, here are 3 steps that I’ve found useful to keeping internal order even when everything else feels like it’s in utter chaos:

  • Do 1 Thing the Same Way Every Day: Choose one helpful thing that you will do every day no matter what. Don’t cut corners.  Why? Because it helps to create a 1)sense of routine, 2) shows you that you can do what say you will, and 3) moves you a further step along your path.  So, what are some possibilities?  Depending on where you are in your journey, it could be as simple as taking care of your personal hygiene or working on a personal project (for me, that would be writing).  It’s up to you.  As long as whatever you choose moves you closer to your life goals, then it is A-OK.

 

  • Make Lists: If there is one thing that bothers me most about having fibromyalgia, it is dealing with brain fog and memory issues.  In the past, when I felt like my mind could not focus or I could not remember something important, I would really come down hard on myself. I took a massive blow to self-esteem because I did know how to accept and strategize around my illness.  Now, I make lists, especially if I know there is something important coming up. I would suggest having a bulletin board in a place where you cannot avoid seeing it, and posting your lists there.  If you’re not into the bulletin board idea, then I would suggest posting it on your refrigerator…after all, you have to eat at some point.

 

  • Write Down What You’ve Done Each Day:  At the end of the day, even if you didn’t move from your bed, write it down.  Write down who you spoke to, if you took your medications, if you made it out of bed, what daily goal you accomplished, and any and everything else. Write it down.  I do not mean that you should journal–although journaling is not a bad idea. I mean that you should take notes on what you do or don’t do each day.  It will help you to understand your personal patterns.  If you do this long enough, you can see how your symptoms might be impacting how much of what you can do in a day.  It doesn’t hurt, so try it.

 

I cannot promise you that following these steps will change everything in your life.  I do believe, however, that they are the beginning steps that will take you closer to where you would like to be.  Remember the key thing is consistency.

It doesn’t matter what you decide to do–how big or small it is–just be consistent.  Learn to appreciate the small steps you can take, so that when you are able to take larger steps, you understand the magnitude of your accomplishment!

Happy Fibro Friday! 😉

Fibromyalgia & Work | Understand Your Limitations, Exceed Your Expectations

Image from MadameNoire.com. Click to read their article, "The 'Itis: Foods that are making you sleepy at work"

Image from MadameNoire.com. Click to read their article, “The ‘Itis: Foods that are making you sleepy at work”

This is hardly breaking news, but having fibromyalgia sucks. Indeed, along with other chronic illnesses, fibromyalgia is quite adept at throwing a monkey wrench into even the best laid plans. In my opinion, this is due to the unpredictability of the onset of symptoms and the negative psychological impact that that unpredictability promotes. If you have fibromyalgia, it may seem downright hard to plan for the moment, much less the next day!  So, what does that mean for those of us who are working or looking for work?

What I’ve come to understand through personal experience is that the people surrounding me can fall into one of six categories: 1) the knowledgeable and supportive, 2) the knowledgeable and enabling, 3) the knowledgeable and uncaring, 4) the ignorant and dismayed, 5), the ignorant and dismissive, 6) the ignorant and plaintive. Sometimes people may bounce between categories.

What does any of this have to do with work, much less the title of this post? Simple: if you have fibromyalgia and are still working or looking for work, you must be prepared to encounter these people.  You  must understand how what you do or don’t do will be viewed by others.

I know, for a fact, that there are some people who see me using my illness to gain unfair advantage (ignorant/plaintive), or see me as being lazy when I am in the full swing of flare-up (ignorant/dismissive). That’s my reality. Still, there are other people who see my illness as their opportunity to be my personal saviour (knowledgeable/enabling), or see my illness as a moment to share their personal grievances (knowledgeable/uncaring). Of course, there are those precious few who take the time to learn about the illness and ask how the can be of help (knowledgeable/supportive), or are willing to ask me about my illness and feel tremendously sorry for my situation (ignorant/dismayed)–not that I require a pity party.

Hopefully, your workplace environment or potential employer is/will be filled with the latter two.  I’m crossing my fingers for you and me.

Since the onset of my illness, I have done my best to understand how to continue achieving my goals, being a productive member of society, and improving my overall well-being.  It’s no simple task, I assure you, However, I am the passionate, persistent, patient, and people-person type, so I believe in achieving the perceived impossible.

As I look for work, putting out my positive, law of attraction, vibes into the universe, I am holding strong to a new rule: understand my limitations, exceed my expectations.

I cannot pretend that I do not have fibromyalgia.  I cannot lie to a potential employer and promise what I know to be literally impossible.  What I can do is:

  1. Examine myself carefully,
  2. Celebrate the progress I’ve made,
  3. Write down my strengths which will be an asset to any company,
  4. Explore my weaknesses and look for jobs that diminish rather than promote them
  5. Express gratitude for where I am right now in my life, including what I do and don’t have.
  6. Create a Vision Board to “see” where I’m going (perhaps this should be first)
  7. Wish the best for others who do or don’t have my illness. Being jealous of the progress of others will not help you progress.
  8. Work quietly on improving skills that may come in handy.
  9. Welcome positive suggestions and support, even if it doesn’t seem like something that may be initially interesting to you, you never know…so remain open.
  10. Consolidate yourself (yes, it’s an odd choice of words, but the best for me, I assure you).  Pull yourself together as best you can.  It’s easy to feel fragmented when you have a chronic illness.  Sometimes you may even see yourself as two people who are warring over the same body: the healthy you vs. the unhealthy you.  It’s time to pull all your parts together to make a stronger whole.

Don’t dismiss your skills, hobbies, talents, whatever.  They may have the potential to get you to take the next step on your journey to living successfully with fibromyalgia.

Until Next Time,

D. 

P.S. I’ll keep you updated on the job search. Wish me luck 😉

Fibromyalgia: Let’s Not Beat Ourselves Up!

DUI of negative thoughts

I woke this morning tired.  Mind you, I had only fallen asleep four hours before.  It’s a hazy morning, humid but tolerable with an intermittent breeze. I’m annoyed. Why? Because I’m tired, because it’s humid, because my mood took a slight dip while I wasn’t paying attention.  My first thought: I suck.

It’s not an uncommon thought for many, even if worded differently.  It’s the thought that rises when you believe that there is something you could do but haven’t, or that you have done but shouldn’t, etc.  In this moment, I suck because I’m tired and feeling lazy due to the humidity.   I suck  because my joints and muscles ache and I would prefer not to move.

Of course, the reality is that I do not suck.  Actually, I’m quite a lovely person, who tries her best at all times.  I just happen to have this type of response every now and again when it comes to dealing with my fibromyalgia.  It’s also a consequence of being perfectionistic.

So, how will I get myself out of this funk?  And how can you?  Well, I’m giving myself the proverbial reality check.  There are somethings that are within my control and beyond my control, including my body, my environment and the weather. What’s the point of beating myself up? There is none.

Putting myself down is a slippery slope that leads only to lowered self-esteem—and I’m not about that life.  The life that I’m about is one that lifts and heals the spirit, the body, and the mind.  I’m working on transforming that I suck statement into something more self-empowering, but first I have to confront with what’s really going on, take stock of my reality, and take action to improve my day.  I hope you will too! 🙂

In the meanwhile, check out this great personal article by analyst and professor Jane Boylton, Psy.D., M.F.T., “How Reality Checking Can Save Your Life & Your Dreams: You Can Easily Avoid One Sure Way to Suffer”  (PsychologyToday)

 

Until Tomorrow,

D.