First, thank you to my followers, both new and old, for continuing to bless me with your support.  I have not been around much, nor have I posted much of anything personal. Still, you continue to stick with me. Thank you!

 

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“If you have nothing [nice] to say…”

Over the past year and a half, my life has changed dramatically. Some of those changes were good, others were not so good. Still, I try my best to take changes as they come, learn from them what I can and keep taking steps towards achieving my goals. In my opinion, that’s the most effective approach to living my life.

Part of the process of accepting change is observing change. And I truly believe that observation is a silent process. It’s hard to observe and act at the same time–at least it is to me.

So, I’ve been in observation mode, mostly observing myself and my reactions and actions in dealing with myself in my environment, as well as just the environment itself. I’ve spent a lot of time in my head and subsequently in my body, i.e. I’ve been sorting through my mental blocks (negative self-talk/thinking) and how they impact my health and prevent me from quickly reaching my most important goals.

On the subject of health: I’m glad to state that my health has been truly awesome, and that my fibromyalgia symptoms have diminished significantly. I’ve had fewer flares, fibrofog moments and have been getting enough normal/restful sleep (between 7-9 hours). Also, I’ve been walking for about 1 hour almost daily and have recently started the BeachBody On-Demand 30-Day Free Trial that has a great deal of exercise programs for people of all levels.  If you have fibromyalgia and are interested in starting or improving an exercise program, I would say check it out because it allows for you to select programs by type: cardio, muscle building, less than 30 minutes, slim and tone, dance, low impact, and yoga. Personally, I am sticking with less than 30 minutes, low impact, dance and yoga.

I think my greatest challenge is that I consume news and, as a person of colour, it stresses me out…then again, who isn’t stressed when watching the news. Still, it’s important to stay informed, and I try to do so without being inundated.

So, what have I learned during my silence? A whole heck of a lot. Here is a list:

• I attracted a great deal of emotional vampires a.k.a. narcissists in my life.
• I no longer see the world through a dichotomous lens (yes, it isn’t all black & white).
• I’m an extreme empath, which makes it difficult for me to stay for long periods of time in environments with people who are highly emotionally dysregulated.
• I live in an environment in which people are highly emotionally dysregulated.
• Deep breathing and meditation can only do so much, but at least they do something.
• Being assertive with one’s self  first is far more important than being assertive with others.
• Keeping one eye on long-term goals (future) and the other on short-term goals (present) is essential for my success.
• Emotional safety takes consistent persistent effort–you cannot be a slacker about this, especially if you are chronically ill.
• Some people mean [you] no good. This was a truly hard one to accept because I have always lived by the belief that “everyone is doing the best that she or he can in any given moment.” I still believe that. However, I have modified that statement “everyone is doing the best that she or he can in any given moment, but not everyone cares about his or her impact on others.”
• Thriving = Surviving + Determination to Activate and Change Positively (Self and Circumstances).
• I decided that I will have a home and a happy family.
• Every day I continue to make a home within myself and to become a better parent to myself.
• Choosing healthy emotional connection may mean that, at times, you may spend a lot of time alone–and that is just fine.
• It is challenging to be creative in a healthy way when living in an unhealthy environment.
• There is a reason why I no longer enjoy knitting, crocheting or anything to do with crafting. Actually…at the moment, I really don’t enjoy being creative, but I still work on doing something creative each day.
• I would like to start crafting again.
• Sometimes, going into the unknown is far better than remaining in the known.
• For ACoNs: Being the product of narcissistic parents may mean a lifelong process of unlearning harmful self-beliefs and profoundly negative beliefs about what it means to be a part (or not) of a family.
• For ACoNs: I now know that I know what it’s like to be the lost child, the scapegoat, and the golden child. All of these roles cause tremendous harm.
• Procrastination like perfectionism is okay in very small amounts–I’m still working on this.
• Every day I create my own reality, so it’s important that every day I take a step in the direction of true happiness and self-actualization.
• There is even more to me than I can imagine.

So, that’s it. It’s good to be writing again.

Until Next Time,

D.