Today marks the start of “spring break,” which I imagine conjures to the minds of some images of sun, sand, and sea.  Well, I am looking outside my window and it is grey, cold, and about to rain… 😉  Given my recent mood, the image outside is quite apt.

Beyond the school work to be done prior to any sort of vacation, I have spent the past week contemplating how people relate to one another, especially on a romantic level.It is possible that my thoughts today are a product of listening to that musically addictive Gotye song “Somebody that I used to know” and contemplating my state of singledom as spring approaches with an undeniable ferocity.  Who knows…

What I do know is that I have been and am fortunate that I have been able to maintain acquaintanceships and friendships (even best friendships) with people whom I have dated.  I am not quite understanding of the need for some to invoke all out war against those whom they once claimed to love.

When we begin to think of ourselves as “better than”/”superior” or of another person as “less than”/”inferior,” we begin an interpersonal and intrapersonal process that more than likely will result in the disintegration of our relationships with others, or possibly the lack of ability to truly connect.

Pride

I am an advocate for high/positive self-esteem and for taking pride in oneself, both of which I think are directly related.  There is a point, however, when our pride can become so overly inflated as well as our confidence (notice I didn’t write self-esteem here… very different from confidence).  We can begin looking at the world around us through lenses that colour everything a shade of “entitled mine” that can lead us to treating others with complete and utter disregard.

This issue of inflated pride plays itself out in all types of situations and all types of relationships.  The result, I think, is rarely a good one.  Perhaps this is the issue of the Gotye song.

After all, here is a situation where one person’s inflated sense of self/pride pushes him to make hurtful comments to the woman with whom he once had a relationship and about the relationship itself.

Such as,

“Well you said that we would still be friends But I’ll admit that I was glad that it was over.” 

To which she inferred the following:

“You said that you could let it go And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know.”

Then he actually spends his time complaining that this woman has chosen to sever connection with him… and he actually seems to be perplexed by this…

“But you didn’t have to cut me off

Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don’t even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough

And you didn’t have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number

I guess that I don’t need that though

Now you’re just somebody that I used to know”

But even in the midst of his complaint of this woman giving him what he wanted, he still manages to show his “pride,”

And I don’t even need your love

and he still manages to blame her,

And you didn’t have to stoop so low  

which apparently, based upon what she says, was something he tended to do,

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over

But had me believing it was always something that I’d done

But I don’t wanna live that way

Reading into every word you say

So… What’s the point of my ranting today?  The point is that it is important to consider the feelings of others, especially if you have been involved romantically.  It’s important to see the other person as human and yourself… We are not gods.  We are not perfect.  No one owes us anything.  If someone treats us with kindness, then be grateful for it and above all courteous.  If, however, you decide to treat someone poorly, do not be silly (yes, I wrote “silly”) enough to think that he or she will continue to stay in such a situation–that, I believe, could be considered on some level self-abusive and also abusive.

Gotye

I hadn’t expected to write so very much about this Gotye song.  I am glad that I did.  It seems to be quite popular, or becoming so… I imagine that that is because the words touch some core truth within many people.  That is, this behaviour of making others into “nothing” or “no one” or “someone that we used to know” instead of acknowledging their worth in our lives is something that many people have done.

I know for myself that I have experienced the feeling of being made into a sort of nothingness or become a “no one” to someone else.  The feeling isn’t pleasant and it takes time to recover one’s sense of self from such an act.  I do not, however, advocate returning the favour, i.e. treating either the person who did this to you or someone else in the same way… Why begin a cycle that can only lead to failure?

After all, remember pride goeth before the fall

 or better still

check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Just to keep balance, here’s a more positive look at love… 😉 (Yes, I can be positive!)

Until next time!

Best,

D.

Dolores Juhas, whose work has been featured in such magazines as Italian Vogue.  You can visit her website at http://www.dolores-juhas.tk or email her: d_juhas@yahoo.co.uk.  She has her own blog at http://themax.bloger.hr

Related articles

• 

  Image via Wikipedia

  Gotye: ‘I didn’t expect chart success’ (digitalspy.co.uk)