Untitled, photography by Dolores Juhas. Copyright (c) Dolores Juhas. All Rights Reserved
I will be the first to admit that I know very little about the not-so-fairer sex. (Well, the guy in this picture is pretty fair… don’t you think? ;)). This may have something to do with the for-so-long-queer issue. It may have something to do with the primarily working with females issue. I mean, really, my life has been surrounded by women: from five years living in a convent to three years attending an all girls high school to working in treatment programs for girls.
More recently, however, I have found myself surrounded by, engaged in, and pondering about the world of men. And oh man (pun intended) it is fascinating… Of course, more fascinating to me is how women, whom I know, view men in their lives and in general.
Want to know about men? Ask a Guy
Since early last year, I have spent time visiting the site A New Mode. It is a site dedicated to addressing the relevant topics of the modern-day woman, which has nothing to do with me. Thus, I always go to the only area of interest to me, “Dating & Relationships.” Why? Well, it’s as I have stated above, I have spent a great deal more time recently talking about men with women. Hence, I enjoy reading about dating and relationships, especially if there is a unique and/or male perspective.
And A New Mode most definitely has a perspective that is both unique and male… It comes in the form of advice columnist Eric Charles in the section titled “Ask a Guy.”
In “Ask a Guy” Eric answers a variety of questions, e.g. “Why is always the girl’s fault?” and he writes special segments titled “Decoding Male Behavior,” in which he tackles topics such as the male perspective on “neediness.” Of most importance to me is his style of relaying the information he deems necessary for readers.
If you are expecting any kind of sugar-coating, there is none. He is quite in-your-face about his understanding of male behavior AND why, at the end of the day, women need to learn to accept the men in their lives or… move on.
Okay, so what’s my point? The point is Eric has taught me a great deal about men (from his perspective). That is, men…
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are more action-oriented rather than word-based
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need space to resolve their issues than “help” (so, don’t try to fix him…)
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men know how to use a telephone. Really… they do. They know what text messaging is and don’t suddenly lose their visual and digital capabilities upon receiving your text messages. They are simply choosing not to respond.
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do things one thing at a time… So, if he is reading, he is reading and doesn’t want to be disturbed.
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men’s concept of time is profoundly different from women. This goes back to both the action-oriented and one thing at a time issues. That is, men are less aware of the time that is passing since you last sent that text message, left that voicemail, email, Skype/Windows Live message. They are focused on getting things done… and responding to you goes in order of sequence. Don’t take it personally.
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If a man is “into” you (I really dislike this expression), you will know. Why? Because he does what he says he is going to do. Simple. He calls when he says he will. He shows up when he says he will. So… Stop asking him, your friends, your family, random strangers…
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If a man is not “into” you (I really really dislike this expression), you will know. Why? He does not do what he says he will. Simple. He may call you sometimes (randomly). Show up when it is convenient for him (maybe). He certainly will not be responding in any reasonable timeframe, if at all, to your messages (no matter the format).
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Men don’t like “needy” women. Now, let’s clarify that. I believe “needy” here would be in the category of emotionally insecure and co-dependent women, who are seeking a relationship to feel more stable/more whole/more accepted… etc. Women who need someone to show them the beauty of who they are.
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Men don’t like to feel needy. So, men like to feel in charge of their world, their destiny. They like to know they can provide for themselves and their loved ones. I believe Eric mentioned something about our primal days when discussing this issue…
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Men choose to heal from break-ups in multiple ways. Some take a lot of time to be alone and sort themselves out while spending time with friends. Others become quite sexually promiscuous (this brings to mind urban slang “man-whore”… but I dislike that expression almost as much as slut or whore sans man), and drift from one “relationship” to another.
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Men are not all complete jerks, so don’t generalize based upon your experiences or those of your best friend, sister, mother, next door neighbour…
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Men will run from a woman who only, or mostly, reflects back to them the worst parts of themselves (i. e. of the men… I imagine they would run from a woman who was only showing the worst parts of herself too… unless truly sadistic or in saviour mode.)
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Men experience emotions… too. You know, sadness, fear, guilt, shame, anger, happiness, surprise, disgust, envy/jealousy, love…
Until next time!
Best,
D
Self-potrait, photography by Dolores Juhas
Photographs are by Croatian photographer, Dolores Juhas, whose work has been featured in such magazines as Italian Vogue. You can visit her website at http://www.dolores-juhas.tk or email her: d_juhas@yahoo.co.uk. She has her own blog at http://themax.bloger.hr
Toward the within... 
Hi Diedre,
Thanks so much for the link and sharing me with your audience. I appreciate it and I’m really glad to have such a talented writer checking out my stuff.
Happy New Year! 🙂
Hi Eric,
Thank you so very for taking the time to visit my blog and to read my posting. It has been my pleasure to visit A New Mode and to be one of your readers of both the “Ask a Guy” advice column and the “Dating Tips & Relationship Advice for Women Forum”–I am truly in admiration of your dedication to your readers and your work.
Best,
D.