Toward the within
unguided steps and dimmed light –
Life sometimes can feel to me like a Choose Your Own Adventure story. Perhaps you might remember these books? They are the ones that were written in the second person and had the reader make choices as a part of the narrative. Based upon the choices of the reader, the story could end suddenly (usually, badly or with a neutral conclusion) within a few pages, or could continue until the last page, if memory serves me well, with a positive ending. So, why am I reflecting on this today?
Well, as I get ready to leave Rome, I realize that I am at a crossroads in my life. So very much has happened in the last five months, it sometimes seems unfathomable. From going through these experiences, however, I have learned that beginnings and endings are much the same: filled with anxiety and adventure, which are all due to the uncertainty that both beginnings and endings bring. Thus, I find and have found myself a bit like Bilbo, the hobbit, finding comfort in what has always been familiar, but recognizing too that the “greatest adventure is what lies ahead.”
Too often in my life, I have fixed my gaze upon my past, and then when I would look at my present, I could not see the possibilities of my future – Instead I relied upon the desires of others to effectively move me from point A to point B in my life. I realize now that I have learned and can move on from my past experiences, focus on my present, and look and move towards my future based on my own desires. Moreover, although my future may be unknown to me, I can look to it with a positivity that is based in the certainty of my own self-efficacy and assurance in my support system – Coming to Rome has taught me in a most profound way that I am loved as I am and also as I evolve.
Strange day finds me lost
Yet still much the same – Found and
Changed because I choose
Thus, the journey begins… with one decision made, one path chosen, one step forward… towards a future truly unknown. So, I return there… to America, to Boston, to the comfort of what I have known… However, I am coming back again… to Rome.
I do not need to toss a coin over my shoulder in the waters of the Trevi Fountain.
After all, is it not as they say, “All roads lead to Rome…” even if for a moment in one’s life… and how one defines the duration of a moment, well… who knows?
In the interim, I return to Boston to see those whom I love and to visit familiar places. I am not one for missing people or places, but I am missing Boston as I am already missing Rome. In both of these cities, I have found a sense of home and have made connections with people I hope always to have in my life.
Wondering how to
start. Rome is in its winter-
No frost on windows.